Someday

Its been almost 2 weeks since he has heard from her, he doesn’t even know where she is or what she is up to. She suddenly disappeared from his life. Her phone doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even know whether she is alive or dead.

This was the last mail he wrote to her

If you want to leave , you are free to do as you wish...have never tried neither will I ever try to stop you cos that’s not me...I jus cannot ask you do something for me....cos we are two different individuals and we are free to take our decisions as we wish..... One thing about me which you might already know when I take a decision I consider jus myself and only myself....I do not think that a particular person would be hurt if I do this. if my action seems to be justified to me I go ahead with it if some body else gets affected by it then its not my problem. If I have to stay/leave I would jus consider about me how this decision will affect me whether I will be happy/sad staying/leaving, what are the consequences of this decision to me. But I guess we both differ here you take your decisions not keeping what consequences it would cause to you but what effect it will have on others, you tend to value others over your self but I am diametrically opposite to it. I tend to value self over anything else. So if you think your leaving or staying will have any effect on me then it’s my problem not yours. If I get hurt cos you leave/stay then its my fault not yours. You need to understand that I am not saying mine is the rite way of living or yours is, I am no judge of that , you are free to live the life the way you want to and I am free to live the way i want to. I have always told ya I am not cut out for relationships...I guess you would understand why now.

To the above her reply was

All I understand right now is that you are clear on this not having a future

Am not hurt one bit …. Yes, I sincerely hope that no one is ever hurt by my actions … Glad to know I have never hurt you

As for you being cut out for relationships – well, am no one to comment on that, maybe am just not your ‘type’ … whatever it does not matter any more

I have been hurt before and I refuse to tread the same path. I can take care of myself and hence I have the insight to see that nothing good is going to come out of this …..

Adios!

And after that there was no correspondence at all. He had read these two mails so many times that he can recite them verbatim. He decides to leave early from work cos he sees no point in sticking at office and staring at these mails and he is sure that no work would be done either, probably he would go for a long drive on his bike. The thought itself is refreshing. He quickly leaves his cubicle before his superior can stop him and takes the stairs instead of the elevator for the fear of some raised eyebrows. He takes out his bike, puts on his earphones and helmet and quietly gets out of the campus.

In my search for freedom

and peace of mind

I've left the memories behind

Wanna start a new life

but it seems to be rather absurd

when I know the truth

is that I always think of you

He smirks at the timing of the lyrics. He has heard this song umpteen number of times before, considering that he started listening to western music with MLTR but never before the lyrics have been so eloquent.

Someday someway

together we will be baby

I will take and you will take your time

We'll wait for our fate

cos' nobody owns us baby

We can shake we can shake the rock

Hope, that’s what keeps us alive, has said many of his friends. And he has always asked in return, hope of what? He has got replies like hope of a better tomorrow, hope of knowing your life’s calling, hope of finding that one person who will matter to you the most. Nothing has ever convinced his cynical self.

Try to throw the picture out of my mind

try to leave the memories behind

Here by the ocean

wave's carry voices from you

Do you know the truth

I am thinking of you too

That’s what he has been trying to do, to throw her out of his mind for over a year and half now. He just can’t get himself to do that. The only thing he has managed to achieve is indifference to his own life but not to her. He has become almost emotionless but whatever little emotions he felt were still invoked by her. She still was a part of every dream, every fantasy of his.

The love we had together

just fades away in time

And now you've got your own world

and I guess I've got mine

But the passion that you planted

in the middle of my heart

is a passion that will never stop

Then what is it that’s been stopping him? He has asked this question himself a lot of times but he never was able to pin point the problem. Probably when she gets back he would tell her that he still longs for her.

He never speeds on highways, but today he was going full throttle. He can see from the corner of the eye the speedometer touching 100 Kmph. He takes a sharp turn to avoid hitting a pedestrian, the bikes skids and he loses control. He tries to jump off the bike in the hope that he can escape with a few scratches. He falls on the road and is rolling, the truck behind couldnt stop in time.

Someday someway

together we will be baby… May be not.