Pink - Part 1

There is this Gal in my company whom I met first during my training days. I was new to Bangalore during those times and the weekend after we got our first Salary she asked me whether I can accompany her to shopping precisely clothes. Being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types (then) I agreed to go with her.

Before describing the course of events that took place on that day, I would like to describe the way I shop. Before going to shop for clothes I would decide exactly what I am going to shop. I would decide that I want 3 shirts of so and so color whether short sleeved or full sleeved and so and so trousers to go with them. I would decide how many of these trousers are going to be Jeans, Casuals and so. So when I enter a store I would just ask for those things and the moment I realize that these are what I want, I would buy them (of course after keeping an eye on the price).So my shopping lasts usually for about ten minutes that too if there is a queue at the cash counter. My best pal Rajesh would beat me here.

So we decided to meet on Brigade road in front of Mota Arcade (It’s a Mall on Brigade road) at precisely 11:00 AM (Those I days I used to wake up early by 10 AM). Another bad habit of mine is I never follow the Indian standard time of being half an hour late but she did. I don’t mind waiting too much but I definitely mind waiting on Brigade road that too on a Saturday. (It’s a pain to wait there, it’s too crowdy, too noisy for my liking). Besides the crowd, noise and pollution a gang of Chinese women were eyeing me – you know what I mean. I tried calling this female to know about her whereabouts but half the time it said Network Busy and the other times it said User busy.

Finally I get a call from her at 11:35 asking me where I was. I was very tempted to say that I was at home sleeping and actually escape from there before she turns up but you know being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types has its share of problems. I said very politely that I was at the place agreed upon (without a hint of frustration). She says she is stuck in the traffic jam hence she couldn’t come on time; I was very tempted to tell her that being two weeks old in Bangalore I knew what Bangalore traffic was like and she leading all her life in Bangalore should have known better and started early but you know being a ‘you know who’ I told her that its not a problem at all. Finally she says she will be at the rendezvous point in another 2 minutes and hanged up.

The 2 minutes became 15 minutes. See when some body tells you that they will be there in 2 minutes you are mentally prepared to see them in 2 minutes and when 2 minutes become 4 minutes and then 6, 8 and 10 you slowly lose the expectancy factor and when finally the person turns up you act as if you never expected to see the person. That’s what happened when she finally turned up at 11:50AM. By that time the Chinese Gang also gave up on me and left to look at other avenues I guess.

“Hi Avi !!!!”

To be Contd…..

D-P Ratio !!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages, you are extremely fortunate to be reading this. I am going to introduce you to one of the most phenomenal tools ever discovered in the history of mankind. This going to change your life for good. You are never going to be the same again. Here I bring it to you the chosen ones - “D-P Ratio “.

Ok enough of publicity stunt. Am I not good at marketing? No? At least I did a good enough job of holding your attention till now which most of the TV commercials never manage to do.

So what is all this hype about D-P ratio? Let me explain it in Detail.

D-P is an acronym for Desire-Potential. D-P ratio can be calculated for every action of ours be it the job we do, the games we play, the relationships we are in, the subject we study etc. Each of our action is characterized by these two parameters Desire- How much we want to do a particular thing? Potential – How good are we at doing it?

Have you ever wondered why do you hate what you are doing? Why are you not able to do what you want to do? The answer ladies and gentlemen lies in D-P Ratio.

Let me explain further. For example consider me. I sit and do coding all day although I am not particularly fond of it. Hence here my desire for coding is less (say 5 out of 10). But I am extremely good at coding (say my potential for coding is 9 out of 10). Even though I may hate doing what I am doing but since I am extremely good at it I am not doing that bad in life (by whose standards? By societal standards. Not mine). Here my D-P ratio becomes 5/9 which is approximately equal to 0.56.

Now let’s consider this case. I very badly want to be a singer. Here my desire is say 10. But I am very bad at singing (ok not very bad but yeah a bit bad ;)). Hence my potential of becoming a singer is very less say 2. Hence my D-P ratio for becoming a singer becomes 5. If I were to choose a career as a singer, I am going to end up with a screwed up life.

Hence the ideal D-P ratio for any action should be 1. If it is equal to 1 then you would love doing it and at the same time you would be extremely good at it.

So to summarize:

If

D-P Ratio is 1 – Just do it. There is nothing like it.

D-P Ratio is < 1 – You would be good at it but you may actually not be happy doing it.

D-P Ratio is >>1 – Though you love to do this but you are not good at it. So it would be foolish to keep doing it-look for a change over or look at ways to improve your potential and bring down your D-P ratio.

This concept is applicable to every action of ours. So guys thank me for introducing you to such a life changing ratio (Ok I am back to my Narcissist best). Reap the benefits of this ratio. I am not demanding any royalty for it (as if I am going to get ;)). I would be happy knowing if at least one of you benefited from it (ok Avi don’t become senti now ;)).

And yeah before anybody can plagiarize it I am patenting this ratio. ;)

Random Thoughts

He was sitting in his rocking chair with one hand on the trigger of the semi automatic and the other hand holding an unlighted cigarette. He had been fired this morning from his job for not adhering to the policies of the organization. As the thought crossed his mind an indifferent smile appeared on his face. He should feel dejected but he was not, he should be angry for being fired for absolutely no fault of his but he was not, he should be gritting his teeth and plotting revenge but he was not. “What’s the matter with me?” he said to himself.

The room was pitch dark, all the curtains down, all the windows shut. He preferred darkness. It just gave him a sense of safety. He felt that nobody can see his pain, nobody can read his thoughts. He can see what he wants to see. He can create a rational world of his own. He doesn’t want to see what light reveals. He doesn’t want to see the ugly face of the world he is currently living in.

“Why the fuck am I alive? “, the frustration was apparent in his voice. Why can’t I just end it all right now? , just blow my brains out, what difference is going to make to anyone? Nobody would give a damn if I die right now, in this very second and why anybody should care. It’s been one hell of a ride since the day he had realized how futile one’s existence is. He had wondered since then, realizing what he had, can one just go on leading a “normal” life? Can one believe that his life had a purpose and his goal in life is to achieve that purpose? “If such a person exists, just show up and reach out to me and make me believe that it can be done ”, he yelled in a pleading tone.

All these days what had kept him from taking his own life had been the hope that it may be possible to lead a “normal” life after knowing what he knows. Maybe he is missing something, which he may realize at a later point of time. But today had been a bit too much. He just wants to end all this agony right then.

But then again he decides against it. Is it the hope or the fear of death he cant say, but he just could not bring himself to commit suicide. He pulls the trigger of the semi-automatic and lights the cigarette.

Tete-a-tete with a Mallu Gal

This is a lunch conversation I had with a colleague who is from Kerala. The conversation some how shifted to Malayali Kutti ;).

She : So you would marry a Mallu gal ?

Me : Yeah! Why not if I like her ?

She: So religion, state and language not a problem for ya ?

Me : Nope not a problem at all. I am an Atheist -so religion no problem, I am a Human - So state, country not a problem and Love is the universal language - so language no problem.

She : So you dont believe in God (with absolute disbelief on her face) ?

Me : Nope, I dont. Do you ?

She: Ofcourse, what kind of a question is that ?

Me : So why do you believe in God ?

She:(Silent)........

Me : Tell me why do you believe in God and make a believer out of me.

She:(Silent).......

Me : I am giving you a chance to convince me that I should believe in God.

She:(Silent) If I tell you why I believe in God , then you will believe in God and make other people non believers.(She walks out with her plate )

Me : $%^&*

Can anybody explain me what her last statement meant ?