I have quit my old job and took up another job. One of my friends gave me an advice that I should treat it not as an end but a new beginning. I just got thinking that how can I treat it as an end, I mean what signifies that it has ended and what is the precise definition of end she was talking about. She gave me an impression as to I was going to severe all the ties with my current world and start out a totally new chapter, as if I was going to forget all the people I know now. Is it ever posible to comment on life, that this chapter has ended and a new one has begun? Just to draw an analogy, Life is like a book, ofcourse its divided into chapters but each chapter has its own relevance and its own bearing on the plot of the book. Can you think of a book in which the characters which appeared in one chapter never appeared in another? I certainly cant think of any unless ofcourse its a collection of short stories or a collection of essays. But am sure life my not a collection of short stories book but a single entitiy which has one plot, in such a scenario every chapter and every character are not forgotten when one moves onto the next chapter.
She just accused me that once I get on with the new job I would forget her because she believes distance plays a large role in keeping people together or apart, but I fought back saying that it depends on the people more whether they keep in touch or not and distance do play a small part but its not the deciding factor. But she refuses to believe me and she also accuses me that am not as sad about as parting as she is. Then I ask her that how can she say that? she replies me back saying that I don appear sad. I am kinda confused and shocked that she judged whether I was sad or not just by the appearance. She said she aint a mind reader and she can only believe what she sees. Well fair enough if she goes by "seeing is believing" then I should say that she is justified when she says that am not sad as she is because I don appear sad. But to tell the truth I do miss her and yes I have no way of proving it other than calling her up and saying that I miss you but well am not built that way and I aint even sure whether she would believe me when I say I do in fact miss her because my tone would still not be sad.
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8 comments:
Maybe she would believe you if she felt you really did ... If she really knows you and believes in you she would ... but let me tell you this one thing - when a person feels insecure about something , as your friend is in my guess, it helps to reach out and spread a bit of warmth ... saying am cold and shall remain cold is not going to warm either of you up ... before this conversation gets to lokk like something out of a steamy plot shall sign off (lol) .... Reach out ... Some one out there needs you ... (CRY - Child Relief and You ) :))))))))))
I know this is late, but still...
You know what I'm thinking? When you/I/we say that love is "earned" by means of 'virtue', 'virtue' needs to be defined. And virtue - like anything else that is moral - is a very subjective thing. After what I've been through, 'virtue' has begun to acquire a new meaning these days. So, I think to resolve this argument -- for my sake -- for once and for all, let us try to define virtue.
Initially, I used to believe virtues could be 'counted', as in I could make a list of characteristics -- which I (again it's 'I' - a subjective issue here) deemed worthy -- and then say whether I loved (I'm talking of all kinds of love here) a person or not depending on how many of these characteristics he/she had. And then when he/she started losing these characteristics, I would then stop loving that person. I've since come to realize that this is wrong.
So, back to defining virtue. This is what I believe in now: the only virtue that ultimately matters in a person is whether that person is 'good' at heart or not. Again, by trying to see whether a person is good or not, I'm wary of falling into the 'characteristics list' trap. To me, whether a person is good or not, is solely based on the same three principles
Ayn Rand propounded -- egoism, reason and freedom. A set of core values -- that is all! And this is where I believe I'm making the shift from being judgmental -- which is what made me 'love' people on the basis of my 'characteristics list' -- to being perceptive and understanding -- which is what now makes me aware of the "goodness" in them.
When we start disliking people on the basis of the 'characteristics list', I feel we are being less understanding of their situation and circumstances. Like Atticus Finch, we need to put ourselves in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. What we dislike are merely faults in them. The faults don't matter -- they just obstruct our view of the bigger picture. Working on them does, however. And this is where the 'goodness' comes into play.
Not having the courage to make a life-altering decision might be an indication of cowardice, which could make you not 'love' someone. Throwing insults out of anger is also not justified, which could also make you fall out of 'love'. But when someone tries to undo every 'bad' thing -- by summoning the courage to make that life-altering decision, by regretting every insult -- that is when you need to stop, become Atticus Finch, and start feeling.
After all, we are beings of emotion, even though we bide by reason. Maybe it makes us weak, but then it is also what makes us love.
-- The double dashes give me away.
PS: Turn on the word verification.
@Anna : Now thats what U call a PJ. I wouldn want that friend of mine to be insecure about me, If she really believes and trusts me she wouldn feel that way. Again its a feminine thing and may be am wrong, maybe women jus cant help feeling insecure, I honestly donno and i don approve a bit of it.
@ Anonymous : I know who you are and I will get back to you ;)
If you consider insecurity a "woman" thing , well cant say I can see the "human" in you ....
@Anna : If you have read my comment closely
"Again its a feminine thing and may be am wrong, maybe women jus cant help feeling insecure, I honestly donno and i don approve a bit of it."
I clearly stated that may be am wrong, I refuse to generalize women cos i believe every individual is unique. Sorry you missed the point.Well what is human is a very subjective thing may be am not human to you cos maybe ur parameters for judging a human are quite different from mine.
P.S : I have turned on the word verification :)
hey thats nice.The end of one thing is the beginning of another and they all are woven together and merge seamlessly well that u dont realise when "that" ended and "this" started.watever;) who cares.Chill n mail up at office id num......
Dont you think its your responsibility to make your friend understand that you really miss her...you may really miss that person..but when people say they miss you explicitly,u really get a feeling that can't be explained..its a feeling of lil happiness,lil excitement..feeling of trust and satisfaction...if you consider this is "women" thing its actually not...as you said its kinda related to individuals...I have seen quite a lot of guys who expect their friends to be expressive...
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