He saw her again. He couldn’t believe his luck. They boarded the same bus and guess what she was sitting in the adjoining row of seats but at the same level as he was. When ever he boarded the bus he always made sure that he sat by the window seat. But today he was glad to make an exception and took the corner seat and just hoped that some one whom he knew shouldn’t turn up at this moment. Think of the devil and he is there. One of his best friends ‘A’ got on the bus. ‘A’ came right to his seat. Though he was pretending to be asleep ‘A’ had no qualms about waking him up.
‘Abe kya kar raha hain?’ ‘A’ asked.
‘Dikhtha nahin hain kya so raha hoon’, he said.
‘Chal chat mat, andar jaa, mere ko jagah de’, ‘A’ said.
He grudgingly made way for A. Normally he would have been happy to see A because it’s good to have some body to talk to during the bus journey otherwise he would have to resort to Radio and hear Sunaina – Nimma smile specialist. He dint mind the music on the radio but he wished there was less of RJing. Today A was not in a much of a mood to talk and he had no intention to make him talk. On his day A can talk for hours and hours about everything under sun, topics ranging from Pink Floyd to gay rights but today he was conspicuously quiet and he couldn’t have chosen a better time.
Now he had to bend forward to look at her. He was thankful that A had closed his eyes. But to his disappointment she also closed her eyes. He had hoped to catch her eye today and see if he can notice any sign of recognition from her face. But she closing her eyes had its own advantages. He can ogle at her without the fear of being caught. He had never seen her this close before. He was afraid that she might not look as pretty as she did during the road crossing. But he was glad to realize that he was wrong.
She couldn’t have looked more beautiful. There was a childlike innocence on her face. There was absolutely no strain of a hard days work. He wondered what she might be dreaming about. He envied what ever the object of her dream was. It dint matter to him whether it was a man or woman or any other inanimate object. He just wished he could transfigure himself into the object of her dreams.
She was sleeping with her bag on the lap and her head lolled sideways. He cursed the bad roads. There was a faint smile on her face which would be imperceptible for a casual observer. He never thought he could feel this way watching a woman sleeping. He could have sat there all night and watched her.
Today he dint seem to have any luck. There was not much traffic on the roads and he knew that he would have to get down at the next stop. It was pouring down outside. On any other day he would have been staring out of the window in to the rain but today he had a better option.
‘Abe sale uth, apna stop aa gaya’, he shook A.
A got up and rubbed his eyes. A clutched his bag and made way to the door. He reluctantly got up and followed him. He suddenly realized that she should have gotten down at the stop before. He wondered whether he should wake her up but again gave up the idea. Then she suddenly opened her eyes and looked around. She immediately got up and made her way to the door. The bus stopped all three of them got down and found themselves getting lashed by the rain. She coolly took out her umbrella from the handbag and walked away. He had an urge to follow her but decided against it. ‘A’ had already run for cover under a coffee shop. He stood there for sometime and made his way towards A.
‘Abe kya kar raha hain?’ ‘A’ asked.
‘Dikhtha nahin hain kya so raha hoon’, he said.
‘Chal chat mat, andar jaa, mere ko jagah de’, ‘A’ said.
He grudgingly made way for A. Normally he would have been happy to see A because it’s good to have some body to talk to during the bus journey otherwise he would have to resort to Radio and hear Sunaina – Nimma smile specialist. He dint mind the music on the radio but he wished there was less of RJing. Today A was not in a much of a mood to talk and he had no intention to make him talk. On his day A can talk for hours and hours about everything under sun, topics ranging from Pink Floyd to gay rights but today he was conspicuously quiet and he couldn’t have chosen a better time.
Now he had to bend forward to look at her. He was thankful that A had closed his eyes. But to his disappointment she also closed her eyes. He had hoped to catch her eye today and see if he can notice any sign of recognition from her face. But she closing her eyes had its own advantages. He can ogle at her without the fear of being caught. He had never seen her this close before. He was afraid that she might not look as pretty as she did during the road crossing. But he was glad to realize that he was wrong.
She couldn’t have looked more beautiful. There was a childlike innocence on her face. There was absolutely no strain of a hard days work. He wondered what she might be dreaming about. He envied what ever the object of her dream was. It dint matter to him whether it was a man or woman or any other inanimate object. He just wished he could transfigure himself into the object of her dreams.
She was sleeping with her bag on the lap and her head lolled sideways. He cursed the bad roads. There was a faint smile on her face which would be imperceptible for a casual observer. He never thought he could feel this way watching a woman sleeping. He could have sat there all night and watched her.
Today he dint seem to have any luck. There was not much traffic on the roads and he knew that he would have to get down at the next stop. It was pouring down outside. On any other day he would have been staring out of the window in to the rain but today he had a better option.
‘Abe sale uth, apna stop aa gaya’, he shook A.
A got up and rubbed his eyes. A clutched his bag and made way to the door. He reluctantly got up and followed him. He suddenly realized that she should have gotten down at the stop before. He wondered whether he should wake her up but again gave up the idea. Then she suddenly opened her eyes and looked around. She immediately got up and made her way to the door. The bus stopped all three of them got down and found themselves getting lashed by the rain. She coolly took out her umbrella from the handbag and walked away. He had an urge to follow her but decided against it. ‘A’ had already run for cover under a coffee shop. He stood there for sometime and made his way towards A.
22 comments:
mmm...I guess I havent told you before but there is a remarkable sense of maturity in your writing. the words seem to metamorphose into sentences and the sentences into paragraphs seemlessly....am not sure how 'contrived' your sentence structures are and how much you actually rephrase your sentences but I like the way it flows...
I ofcourse am not going to comment on the Chetan bhaghatesque content (ok it was emant to make you cringe a bit..) but admittedly a betyer style of writing...
Spring and a young man's thoughts turn to love
:)
"The bus stopped all three of us got down and found ourselves getting lashed by the rain."
Of course, I know, it's fiction.
@ Girish - Nope I dont rephrase my senteces, never read the post again. Just post it as its written the first time.
@ Musafir - Thanks for pointing out the mistake and ofcourse its fiction. :)
It wasn't the mistake I was pointing out but the self-referentiality / Freudian slip.
Good "catch" there Musafir;)
talking about Self-referentiality/Freudian slips I am always curious to see the kind of 'love encounters' people write...It does in a way tell a lot about the person...ofcourse not in cases where a dashing damsel is concerned where the events take on expected lines unless the author tries to deliberately take on a different track which would be stuck out as a sore thumb...
p.s.@Avi: Address me by my virtual nom de plume....:)
@ the man who wasn't there - "It does in a way tell a lot about the person" -- absolutely, but only as far as the author is unaware of how his psyche and his thoughts/bent of mind affect the stories he writes.
The primary point of difference between an amateur and a professional writer is the ability to narrate somebody else's story as if it was his/hers without bringing in his/her judgment/analysis into play i.e. to say it as it is and leave it upto the reader to draw his/her inferences. Also, professional writing primarily draws attention to the story and only then the writing, if you get what I mean.
PS: "@Avi" -- Hilarious.
@musafir: mm..I guess you do have a point there but then depends on what you mean by 'professional' here. Do you mean with a 'preconceived intention' (slightly tautological yes..) denotes 'professional' or merely another fuzzy term 'good writing'?
Btw looks like Freudian slips are infectious..:) someone is quite perspicuous eh?:P
@ the man who wasn't there - By professional writing, I'm trying to define a class of writers who don't have to depend or draw upon personal experiences for their stories. They can narrate anybody's story using any style they want. Styles could be irreverent (J D Salinger), unassuming (Jhumpa Lahiri), tongue-in-cheek (Wodehouse) ... I feel a "good writer" should be able to choose and implement a style which would bring out the story in all its beauty. Of course, style is still a personal choice, but I'm just using it as one of the criteria to qualify writers. A writer could still be good despite following the same style always.
My point about style is that once a writer attains a certain degree of accomplishment in his/her craft, the reader cannot afford to make value judgments about the writer from his/her stories, because the writer is usually clever enough to prevent his/her personality from overshadowing the story.
PS: "someone is quite perspicuous" -- People tell me that all the time B-). By the way, perspicacious, I believe, is the word you're looking for :) and no, not trying to play one-up here. Just my OCD with words and grammar showing through :)
@musafir: mmmm...if your defintion of 'professional writers' hold then frankly I dont think much of them...where is the case of individuality? what's the point if I am only going to mimic someone else's thoughts and style?
I am not saying a writer (not necessarily a professional one) cannot mask his real thoughts but if one does I really see no point in writing itself...but all said and done some vestiges of one's personality does sneak through..:)
ah come come I dont mistake between 'perspicacious' and 'perspicious'...in the 'acute','perceptive' sense both can be used...:)
nice...!!
by the way....blog updated....
kripya padharein...!
i love the writing.....but theres something about ur heroine which i dont like.....
@ Anon - Can you elucidate as to what u dont like in the gal ?
idhukku apparam oru "A" movie madiri pogum nenaichen !! no luck ( :( .. Hmm .. nice story, decent descriptions !! But didn't get the point of going behind that female (litreally as well as figuratively)
well ok reading just part 2 again i can elucidate........see she seems to be the type who doesnt have a hair out of place.....like she sleeps with a faint smile on her lips(unlike some other unfortuante ones who hang their mouth open)...and she doesnt have any strain on her face afetr working....and she has an unbrella in her bag insted of getting drenched and looking like a wet chicken. well maybe i dont like her bcoz usually im the wet chicken-mouth open type......sigh. ok now can u elucidate y the hero likes her?
is the heroine somnambulistic ? She sleeps and I got the impression that she started to walk in the rain to her bus stop :)
Nice way. I would have loved to read a chatterbox A and heros' response :)
The characters in your posts look like pros in leching....
Does it tell something about u? ;)
@ Karthik - Well it was just an urge to follow her probably to get to see more of her.
@ Anon - Hero likes to admire beauty of any form.
@ Badri - You mean the conversations between A and hero ?
@ Dammy - Its just fiction !!! Why do you call it leching I would say admiring the beauty just the way u look at a Sculpture.
hey ..well said again...but y dint this guy go ahead and talk to her..mebbe even she feels like talking...will love to hear the third part where the guy again saw her but again fails to talk and mebbe the fourth time he gains all the confidence and speaks to her..coz the hero of the story always has to do that..:)
howzzat...a nice fiction na..:)
@ Saira - The 3rd part is the guy comes to know that the gal is engaged and going to get married. End of the story ;)
"Hero likes to admire beauty of any form" lol!! :)
engagement in dec? ;)
oh thats bad....but true all love stories dont have a happy ending..:)
sigh..Another person is 'hooked' too....:|:| Another person is 'smitten' too..:|:|
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