I am Wiser - I am 24 !!

Today I turned 24, one more year just flew by. Looking back at this year , I dont seem to be remember much except that I survived. The day has been good till now. Yesterday night 12 o clock , my room mates surprised me by getting me a cake (black forest yummm), then I was kicked in the ass and got a cake pack on my face( and in the hair too). Then got a couple of calls from my friends. After that I dozed off. Today I have been really busy on the phone like never before. I have never got so many calls on my Birthday as I got today. Phew.

The guys at office got me another black forest , again got lots of kicks in the ass and again got pasted over by the cake. It was a sense of dejavu from yesterday's night. Never cut two cakes in a span of 24 hrs before so it was a novel experience considering the amount of bumps too. Thanks everyone for all your wishes, you guys made my day.

One of my friends called me up to wish me. She said I am supposed to make one wish and one resolution for my Bday. She sounded as if it were mandatory. I said I have never done this before. She replied saying that she would wish on behalf of me and asked me to choose a resolution. I said I cant resolve to do something on the fly so I need time. She has given me time till the evening to tell her my resolution. I am still thinking...

Yeah am still at office, not exactly slogging but yeah working. I have given meow last week. Lets wait and watch what happens. Have my fingers crossed.

Thats what has been happening in my life. Will be back to full time blogging soon. So keep an eye over here. Ciao guys.

A Break from Blogging

Hey Guys I am taking a smal break from Bloggin till Nov 19, you know for what rite.

Good Will Hunting.

I wanted to watch the movie Good Will Hunting for a long time now. Finally I managed it last weekend. I knew the entire story of the movie, Courtesy – Musafir. He told me the story once and we discussed about it long into the night. It’s a very interesting movie in the sense that it raises certain questions which I personally found very difficult to address.

One of the questions which me and Musafir did discuss was why should one fulfill one’s potential. I know I am a genius, I know I can do a lot of things which others can never attempt but does that mean that I should fulfill my potential ? Does being a genius should place a burden on me to act like one? What if I do not want to do what I am best at? It’s definitely not necessary that I would always enjoy doing what I am good at.

Have met many people in my life who carry the guilt that they have not been doing justice to their potential. They hate every minute of their existence thinking of what a failure they have been in their lives. Among these people there are two types. One is the type for whom the guilt is society induced and another is the type for who the guilt is self induced.

For the first type the problem is still not huge because they can take refuge in the people who would understand them, who know that success and happiness are relative terms. They would feel perfectly at home among their kind of people. The problem is huge for second type of people, they cannot take refuge anywhere, one cannot hide from himself, can he?

For all the people who carry this guilt, I would suggest you to watch this movie. It might not help you find all the answers but it might give you a hint as to what they might be.

Love Story Continues .....

He saw her again. He couldn’t believe his luck. They boarded the same bus and guess what she was sitting in the adjoining row of seats but at the same level as he was. When ever he boarded the bus he always made sure that he sat by the window seat. But today he was glad to make an exception and took the corner seat and just hoped that some one whom he knew shouldn’t turn up at this moment. Think of the devil and he is there. One of his best friends ‘A’ got on the bus. ‘A’ came right to his seat. Though he was pretending to be asleep ‘A’ had no qualms about waking him up.

‘Abe kya kar raha hain?’ ‘A’ asked.

‘Dikhtha nahin hain kya so raha hoon’, he said.

‘Chal chat mat, andar jaa, mere ko jagah de’, ‘A’ said.

He grudgingly made way for A. Normally he would have been happy to see A because it’s good to have some body to talk to during the bus journey otherwise he would have to resort to Radio and hear Sunaina – Nimma smile specialist. He dint mind the music on the radio but he wished there was less of RJing. Today A was not in a much of a mood to talk and he had no intention to make him talk. On his day A can talk for hours and hours about everything under sun, topics ranging from Pink Floyd to gay rights but today he was conspicuously quiet and he couldn’t have chosen a better time.

Now he had to bend forward to look at her. He was thankful that A had closed his eyes. But to his disappointment she also closed her eyes. He had hoped to catch her eye today and see if he can notice any sign of recognition from her face. But she closing her eyes had its own advantages. He can ogle at her without the fear of being caught. He had never seen her this close before. He was afraid that she might not look as pretty as she did during the road crossing. But he was glad to realize that he was wrong.

She couldn’t have looked more beautiful. There was a childlike innocence on her face. There was absolutely no strain of a hard days work. He wondered what she might be dreaming about. He envied what ever the object of her dream was. It dint matter to him whether it was a man or woman or any other inanimate object. He just wished he could transfigure himself into the object of her dreams.

She was sleeping with her bag on the lap and her head lolled sideways. He cursed the bad roads. There was a faint smile on her face which would be imperceptible for a casual observer. He never thought he could feel this way watching a woman sleeping. He could have sat there all night and watched her.

Today he dint seem to have any luck. There was not much traffic on the roads and he knew that he would have to get down at the next stop. It was pouring down outside. On any other day he would have been staring out of the window in to the rain but today he had a better option.

‘Abe sale uth, apna stop aa gaya’, he shook A.

A got up and rubbed his eyes. A clutched his bag and made way to the door. He reluctantly got up and followed him. He suddenly realized that she should have gotten down at the stop before. He wondered whether he should wake her up but again gave up the idea. Then she suddenly opened her eyes and looked around. She immediately got up and made her way to the door. The bus stopped all three of them got down and found themselves getting lashed by the rain. She coolly took out her umbrella from the handbag and walked away. He had an urge to follow her but decided against it. ‘A’ had already run for cover under a coffee shop. He stood there for sometime and made his way towards A.

Untitled

Questions I mayn’t ask you!


Did your time fly? Did it heal?

Did another bud bloom in your garden later at dusk?

Did another soul caress your stubble and lock that gentle smile in her eyes?


Did every mole of yours tell you stories, like mine did?

Did I become a distant memory that spoiled your days?


Did you yen to unburden your uncontrollable tears on to my bosom, back again?

Did you wish to snuggle up to my neck on those hazy dawns?


Was I the love that you embraced in your juvenility?

Was I merely a passing cloud that retained a soft corner?

Did I become the past that you abhorred to reminiscence?


Did you play the silly pranks we created ever again?

Did your vivacious laughter find its right destination later sometime?


Will I be worthy of a mention in your book about love?

Will you say, ours was everything that love could be?

Will you sing the symphony of our bond on my grave?

Will you stroke my hair once before fire engulfs the me that was always yours?


Time didn’t heal. The sun didn’t rise.

Never again for me.


Questions I’m dying to ask you!

This piece was written by one of my very good friends. She can describe any emotion so beautifully, there are times I wish I can write like her. This was a piece written in extreme pain. Why is it that best pieces of art come out when people are in pain?

Mumbai Rocks!!!!!

Was in Mumbai for past one week. Phew!!! That city truly rocks. I went there to meet few of my cousins and sort out certain family issues too. I flew for first time in my life and it was a decent experience. The only bad thing about the journey was the tea. They gave me around 250 ml hot water, a tea bag, one small sachet of milk powder and one sugar sachet (that’s all I normally have 3 sachets of sugar – I know I know its too much but I like it that way). I mixed them all and it tasted like anything but tea. What did I expect from Air Deccan? Huh. I make great tea, you don’t believe it? Ok good tea even my mom says that.

So finally landed there, of course half an hour late. I find all the roads are wet, not stagnated with water but just wet. I was really happy to see that it hadn’t been raining helter-skelter there. And during my entire stay there was not much of rain, atleast it dint hamper any of my plans. And to top it all the moment I got inside the train while coming back its started pouring down. :)

I had 3 of my cousins giving me company all the time. First of them Jinus –He had finished his Engineering and doing computer hardware business, he is a cool dude, knows how to have fun. Second of them – Zarna – She had finished her BPharm this year and looking for jobs, she is one of her kind, extremely lazy (after all genes you see) and extremely smart. Third of them – Zenith – He is in his final year of BCom. He knows all the good places to hangout, Lanky dude and we share the same passions in sport. Awesome people to hangout with. Had loads of fun with you guys. Thanks a lot for everything.

We had a Maruti Zen at our disposal. We went to a variety of places – Mocha’s at Churchgate, Phoenix at Lower Parel, Cosmic at Khar, Spice and Flavors, Nuriman Point, Reclamation, Worli Sea view, Ayub’s for Paneer Kati roll, Bachelor’s for Juices and Ice Creams. Every one of these places had something good about them. I thoroughly enjoyed each of them. Had lots of Hookaah too ;). Hookaah had become a new fashion in Mumbai, every eat out or a coffee shop has to have it. The people in the city know how to have fun. The night life of the city is great. Inspite of many bomb scares people still thronged the streets. They never let go of an opportunity to celebrate.

Three cheers to the spirit of Mumbai.

P.S – Today is one of my Best friends, Kripa’s Birthday. Happy Birthday dude. Have a blast.

Snapshot of my mind!!!!

I was tagged by Musafir to do this tag. Buddy you asked for it, you get it :).

I am thinking about -

Whether the code I wrote would work fine or not? (Trust me if it doesn’t work fine I am in deep shit) and how futile ones existence is?

I said -

F%^& reservations!!!

I want to -

I want to start my guitar again, listen to a lot of music and read a lot of books. I want to travel a lot. Want to be a nomad for life.

I wish -

I were not born in this era.

I miss -

Nothing :(

I hear -

Voices inside my head. Absolute cacophony in there. The irony is they can’t be shut by closing my ears.

I wonder -

Will I ever discover what I want to do with my life?

I need -

I wish I knew that.

I regret -

Not making the best use of my time. I waste so much of time in watching stupid things on TV which I could invest in something productive.

I dance -

In the rain, in a party when ever possible, never miss a chance to dance.

I cry -

Not my cup of tea. What’s the whole point anyway?

I am not always -

Objective.

I make with my hands -

Funny shapes which seem funny only to me.

I write -

When I am in the mood, mostly in the nights when there is nothing around, except me and my thoughts.

I confuse -

Push and Pull sign on the reception doors in my office.

I should try -

Writing a poem.
Reading old classics.
Practicing my guitar.

I should finish -

I have hardly begun.

I know -

How can I measure it There is so much I know and there is so much I don’t.

I am -

Self conceited, Pseudo-Objectivist, Self – Sufficient, A bundle of contradictions.

And finally -

I am tagging a few more people to do this tag - Soliloquist, Mocking Spirit, Neha, Saira, Samudraa

Love Story ?

It was just another mundane Monday morning (it alliterates!!!) after a languorous weekend of sleeping, eating and more sleeping. He wondered whether there is excitement surrounding everybody else’s lives or is it that grass is always greener on the other side. He as usual got up late, knew was going to be late to the office and also knew that he was going to miss a meeting. That thought dint trouble him much but what did bother him was the extreme boredom he had been inflicted with. He managed to drag himself out of the house and was on his way to the uninviting office.

He had to cross a road to reach the bus stop and every time he thinks of crossing that road he just wishes that the signal is red so that he doesn’t have to wait. It’s a simple wish at times it gets fulfilled at times it doesn’t. Today it was not to be. When ever he is stuck in such situations he bides his time by watching people around him. He likes doing that. He likes to read their faces and surmise what is going on in their minds. There is a whole gamut of emotions he notices - excitement, boredom, irritation, anger, preoccupation etc.

He saw her. He couldn’t have missed her rather. She was on the other side of the road waiting the same way as he was. He remembered the phrase “thunder bolt” from the book The Godfather by Mario Puzo. He just couldn’t help himself staring at her. He glanced at the signal timer, 156 seconds to go before the signal turns red. Then as he turned back towards her, he caught her looking at him. She looked away immediately.

He looked at her more closely now. She was wearing a black designer salwar with white print on it and a white bottom and a white chunni. There was nothing flashy about the dress probably he would have seen thousands of women wearing similar ones but never noticed. But looking at her wearing it, he felt as though it was tailor made just for her. She wasn’t wearing much make up either, he had always hated women wearing make up especially lip stick. Her lips were of perfect size not too big not too small and had a perfect shape too. There was a mole above the upper lip towards the left side. He had seen moles defiling faces before, but never seen a mole embellishing a face as it did in this case. Her nose was ok, in the sense it dint draw any particular attention. The timer showed 129 seconds.

His gaze now shifted to her eyes. His first impression was they were unreal. He had seen many eyes before (his own included in the mirror), that’s the first thing he notices when he meets or sees a person because he had always believed that eyes cannot belie one’s personality. Her eyes were all and nothing at the same time. They were like a mirror which shows you nothing of its own but only reflects. They were like a hologram which when viewed with different angles show different pictures. You can find joy, angst, love, hatred, indifference absolutely anything depending on what you want to see. He was so lost in her eyes that he dint notice her looking straight at him. He looked away from the eyes that were keeping him in a trance hoping to break the spell. The timer read 93 seconds.

He knew it wouldn’t be long before he would look back at her. When the timer read 80 seconds he casually turned in her direction. To his surprise she was still looking straight at him. She was taming the one strand of hair which had gone wild in the pleasant morning breeze. She had short hair which suited her face. She refused to look away this time. He was finding it very difficult to categorize the kind of look she was giving him. It wasn’t of pleasure that she was attracting looks, neither it was of anger that some guy was rudely staring at her nor it was of indifference for he fully knew that she was looking at him. He looked at the timer which read 48 seconds. He had never been curious as to what other people thought about him but it amused him when ever they told him what they thought. But this time he was curious to know what was she thinking about him. He would give anything to get a snapshot of her mind at this moment.

He knew time was not on his side. It wouldn’t be long before they crossed each other and would be gone forever. He thought of giving her a smile perhaps if he had any luck she would smile back and he wanted that picture to remain in his memory forever. But again he was apprehensive what if she finds his smile to be rude and change her look to some thing disgusting and he didn’t want that image to remain in his memory. When he was pondering over his indecision he saw movement on his side and the timer read 178. When he looked back at her she was already moving towards his side of the road. He too reluctantly moved ahead. When they were a couple of yards away from each other their eyes locked and he felt as if she was smiling though there was barely any movement of lips. He smiled back. They crossed each other. He looked back. She didn’t. He looked up at the heavens and thought to himself if God ever existed he must be a romantic.

P.S – This was guy’s side of the story. If some body wants to attempt the Girl’s side of the story go ahead and do it and I will post it on it on my blog with due credits.

Update (31/07/2006) - Soliloquist had written the Girl's side of the story, you can read it here

Pink - Part 2

“Hi Avi!!!!” And there she was all teeth. It’s very difficult to describe my first reactions when I saw her the way I saw her. She was all pink, literally!!! She was wearing this pink overcoat; I don’t remember properly the color of the top over which she wore the overcoat. She wore a knee length pink skirt and also pink sandals and she also carried a pink hand bag. I guess she also had this pink clip or rubber band to keep her hair in place. Its not that I hate pink or something but too much of anything is not going to keep you in pink health. This is the ninth time I have used pink inclusive of this sentence. Phew!!!

I mean these days pink is kind of a revelation. The other day I was reading this article in Metro Plus (it’s a supplement of Hindu news paper) about how pink is dominating the pack of colors. The article had this picture of Saif Ali Khan from Salaam Namasthe movie wearing a pink brief. The article spoke about how pink was considered to be a feminine color and only the likes of Govinda used to wear such colors in movies. But these days pink is recommended color whether you are going to a job interview or on a blind date. The reason given by the article was that pink reflects the sensitive nature of a person. It also said that you would improve your chances of your success if you wore pink. I say its holy crap. Anyway we digress from the topic.

“You are looking really pretty. “ I told her. She was all teeth again and I guess kind of blushed too if I remember correctly. “Where do you want to go?” I asked her. She was like you tell me. This is a big problem for me. I mean if she wants to shop then I am under the presumption that she knows where she wants to go. I was like your wish you tell me where you want to go and we will go there. Finally we went to the crossword (it’s a book store on Residency road). She got a pen for her best friend which had something fluffy at the back and yeah it was pink in color.

Then we had a really strange argument. She said she always gifts a person what she wants to and not sparring a single thought as to whether the other person likes it or not. I told her that I actually gift a person what he/she did not already have and what he/she would love owning it, that’s how my thought process works. She was like I will gift them what I want them to own. She said “for e.g. my brother doesn’t like T Shirts and never buys them hence when ever I buy any clothes for him I always buy him T Shirts so that way at least he would wear them.” After some amount of arguing we finally agreed to disagree.

Then out of the blue she said that she wants to buy something for me. She asked me what I wanted. This is another big problem for me. It’s a tricky predicament when somebody asks you what gift you want. There are thousand and one things which come to your mind but you can’t just tell some one that this is what I want for a gift, at least I couldn’t. So I asked her why she wants to buy a gift for me. She said for your Birthday dumbo (it was my birthday couple of weeks back then). After some time I knew I have to choose something for a gift. I asked for a couple of books to the shopkeeper and he said they were not available. I breathed a sigh of relief and told her probably some other time. She reluctantly agreed. She said we will go to Commercial Street to shop for clothes and we were on our way.

To be Contd…..

Pink - Part 1

There is this Gal in my company whom I met first during my training days. I was new to Bangalore during those times and the weekend after we got our first Salary she asked me whether I can accompany her to shopping precisely clothes. Being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types (then) I agreed to go with her.

Before describing the course of events that took place on that day, I would like to describe the way I shop. Before going to shop for clothes I would decide exactly what I am going to shop. I would decide that I want 3 shirts of so and so color whether short sleeved or full sleeved and so and so trousers to go with them. I would decide how many of these trousers are going to be Jeans, Casuals and so. So when I enter a store I would just ask for those things and the moment I realize that these are what I want, I would buy them (of course after keeping an eye on the price).So my shopping lasts usually for about ten minutes that too if there is a queue at the cash counter. My best pal Rajesh would beat me here.

So we decided to meet on Brigade road in front of Mota Arcade (It’s a Mall on Brigade road) at precisely 11:00 AM (Those I days I used to wake up early by 10 AM). Another bad habit of mine is I never follow the Indian standard time of being half an hour late but she did. I don’t mind waiting too much but I definitely mind waiting on Brigade road that too on a Saturday. (It’s a pain to wait there, it’s too crowdy, too noisy for my liking). Besides the crowd, noise and pollution a gang of Chinese women were eyeing me – you know what I mean. I tried calling this female to know about her whereabouts but half the time it said Network Busy and the other times it said User busy.

Finally I get a call from her at 11:35 asking me where I was. I was very tempted to say that I was at home sleeping and actually escape from there before she turns up but you know being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types has its share of problems. I said very politely that I was at the place agreed upon (without a hint of frustration). She says she is stuck in the traffic jam hence she couldn’t come on time; I was very tempted to tell her that being two weeks old in Bangalore I knew what Bangalore traffic was like and she leading all her life in Bangalore should have known better and started early but you know being a ‘you know who’ I told her that its not a problem at all. Finally she says she will be at the rendezvous point in another 2 minutes and hanged up.

The 2 minutes became 15 minutes. See when some body tells you that they will be there in 2 minutes you are mentally prepared to see them in 2 minutes and when 2 minutes become 4 minutes and then 6, 8 and 10 you slowly lose the expectancy factor and when finally the person turns up you act as if you never expected to see the person. That’s what happened when she finally turned up at 11:50AM. By that time the Chinese Gang also gave up on me and left to look at other avenues I guess.

“Hi Avi !!!!”

To be Contd…..

D-P Ratio !!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages, you are extremely fortunate to be reading this. I am going to introduce you to one of the most phenomenal tools ever discovered in the history of mankind. This going to change your life for good. You are never going to be the same again. Here I bring it to you the chosen ones - “D-P Ratio “.

Ok enough of publicity stunt. Am I not good at marketing? No? At least I did a good enough job of holding your attention till now which most of the TV commercials never manage to do.

So what is all this hype about D-P ratio? Let me explain it in Detail.

D-P is an acronym for Desire-Potential. D-P ratio can be calculated for every action of ours be it the job we do, the games we play, the relationships we are in, the subject we study etc. Each of our action is characterized by these two parameters Desire- How much we want to do a particular thing? Potential – How good are we at doing it?

Have you ever wondered why do you hate what you are doing? Why are you not able to do what you want to do? The answer ladies and gentlemen lies in D-P Ratio.

Let me explain further. For example consider me. I sit and do coding all day although I am not particularly fond of it. Hence here my desire for coding is less (say 5 out of 10). But I am extremely good at coding (say my potential for coding is 9 out of 10). Even though I may hate doing what I am doing but since I am extremely good at it I am not doing that bad in life (by whose standards? By societal standards. Not mine). Here my D-P ratio becomes 5/9 which is approximately equal to 0.56.

Now let’s consider this case. I very badly want to be a singer. Here my desire is say 10. But I am very bad at singing (ok not very bad but yeah a bit bad ;)). Hence my potential of becoming a singer is very less say 2. Hence my D-P ratio for becoming a singer becomes 5. If I were to choose a career as a singer, I am going to end up with a screwed up life.

Hence the ideal D-P ratio for any action should be 1. If it is equal to 1 then you would love doing it and at the same time you would be extremely good at it.

So to summarize:

If

D-P Ratio is 1 – Just do it. There is nothing like it.

D-P Ratio is < 1 – You would be good at it but you may actually not be happy doing it.

D-P Ratio is >>1 – Though you love to do this but you are not good at it. So it would be foolish to keep doing it-look for a change over or look at ways to improve your potential and bring down your D-P ratio.

This concept is applicable to every action of ours. So guys thank me for introducing you to such a life changing ratio (Ok I am back to my Narcissist best). Reap the benefits of this ratio. I am not demanding any royalty for it (as if I am going to get ;)). I would be happy knowing if at least one of you benefited from it (ok Avi don’t become senti now ;)).

And yeah before anybody can plagiarize it I am patenting this ratio. ;)

Random Thoughts

He was sitting in his rocking chair with one hand on the trigger of the semi automatic and the other hand holding an unlighted cigarette. He had been fired this morning from his job for not adhering to the policies of the organization. As the thought crossed his mind an indifferent smile appeared on his face. He should feel dejected but he was not, he should be angry for being fired for absolutely no fault of his but he was not, he should be gritting his teeth and plotting revenge but he was not. “What’s the matter with me?” he said to himself.

The room was pitch dark, all the curtains down, all the windows shut. He preferred darkness. It just gave him a sense of safety. He felt that nobody can see his pain, nobody can read his thoughts. He can see what he wants to see. He can create a rational world of his own. He doesn’t want to see what light reveals. He doesn’t want to see the ugly face of the world he is currently living in.

“Why the fuck am I alive? “, the frustration was apparent in his voice. Why can’t I just end it all right now? , just blow my brains out, what difference is going to make to anyone? Nobody would give a damn if I die right now, in this very second and why anybody should care. It’s been one hell of a ride since the day he had realized how futile one’s existence is. He had wondered since then, realizing what he had, can one just go on leading a “normal” life? Can one believe that his life had a purpose and his goal in life is to achieve that purpose? “If such a person exists, just show up and reach out to me and make me believe that it can be done ”, he yelled in a pleading tone.

All these days what had kept him from taking his own life had been the hope that it may be possible to lead a “normal” life after knowing what he knows. Maybe he is missing something, which he may realize at a later point of time. But today had been a bit too much. He just wants to end all this agony right then.

But then again he decides against it. Is it the hope or the fear of death he cant say, but he just could not bring himself to commit suicide. He pulls the trigger of the semi-automatic and lights the cigarette.

Tete-a-tete with a Mallu Gal

This is a lunch conversation I had with a colleague who is from Kerala. The conversation some how shifted to Malayali Kutti ;).

She : So you would marry a Mallu gal ?

Me : Yeah! Why not if I like her ?

She: So religion, state and language not a problem for ya ?

Me : Nope not a problem at all. I am an Atheist -so religion no problem, I am a Human - So state, country not a problem and Love is the universal language - so language no problem.

She : So you dont believe in God (with absolute disbelief on her face) ?

Me : Nope, I dont. Do you ?

She: Ofcourse, what kind of a question is that ?

Me : So why do you believe in God ?

She:(Silent)........

Me : Tell me why do you believe in God and make a believer out of me.

She:(Silent).......

Me : I am giving you a chance to convince me that I should believe in God.

She:(Silent) If I tell you why I believe in God , then you will believe in God and make other people non believers.(She walks out with her plate )

Me : $%^&*

Can anybody explain me what her last statement meant ?

The Reason - (3:52)

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

The song above is by Hoobastank. Am in love with this song and listen to it umpteen number of times everyday. Guys you should listen to this song and the video is even better.

Irony

He stood there with arms wide open and looking towards the sky. It was hard to say whether he was welcoming the rain or awaiting a few answers as if they were to come from above. He liked the way the waves were caressing his feet, washing away the dirt deposited by the previous wave and adding some of its own. It was like dying and getting resurrected in the same moment. He badly wished if it were possible to wipe away the writings on one’s mind and start afresh.

He had convinced her to let go off her past.

He knew that Sagar loved her very much and they had been the best of friends for over 15 years now. He knew that no one could ever love her as much as Sagar did and she would be the happiest woman in the world if she were to marry him. They have had best of times together; they have shared every moment of their lives with each other and it would be poetic justice if they were to be together.

He had convinced her to accept Sagar’s proposal.

He hated playing God. He dint like the power he had, to change people’s lives. It’s a huge responsibility and at the same times a huge burden. If at all he dint knew Sagar and his love for her would he have convinced her to accept his proposal? Wouldn’t he himself…… He just shook his head as if it was futile to think on these lines. Things that are said may be forgotten but things that are unsaid may never be forgotten, had said one of his friends. How true he thought to himself. He knew that he had to let this moment of weakness pass very quickly because he can’t afford to be weak when he had been the symbol of strength for many.

He smiled to himself thinking about them.

The intensity of the rain has increased and he was no longer able to stare into the sky. He lowered his head and looked at the ocean. He loved the ocean right from his childhood. He had always thought that there are so many things that are common between him and the ocean. It’s accommodating nature, its expansiveness, its turbulence, he could relate to these qualities. He was thinking if ever the sky and ocean could unite? Or is it that they are never separated in first place? He dismissed that thought from his mind saying to himself that there is no time for such deliberations.

“Sagar……….”, shouted her voice. He turned back and started walking towards her.

Life !!!

Overcast Skies
Light Drizzle
Lightning
Thunder
Steaming hot coffee
Rocking chair
Smoke
Contemplative mood
Music

Awesome Combo isnt it ?

My Element

find your elementat mutedfaith.com.

Can marriage do this?

Ok, this post is about one of my friends in SAP (I work at SAP Labs India Bangalore). He is about to tie the knot this July. Have known him for 4 months out of which, 2 months he has been single and the other 2 months committed. I just want to depict the change in his attitude, pre commitment and post commitment phases. For the sake of protecting his identity lets keep his identity as ‘Mr. V’.

Mr. V – Pre Commitment phase.

Mr. V is best known among his friends as tanker. Let me elucidate the reason for this reputation. When he goes to the pub our man has the capacity to have 8 Vodka shots, 6 Whisky shots and 10 tequila shots all in a single outing, this earned him the well deserved name "Tanker". To complement his drinking prowess Mr. V used to smoke heavily too. He used to be our smoking supplier during training times. Now lets talk about his waking up habits. The bus comes to his place at 8:30 PM, our man happily wakes up at 8:20 PM and makes a run every single day (Am much better I wake up 15 minutes before the bus is dueJ). Our guy also had a crush during the training period which made him to quit smoking for the whole of 4.5 days (Ok if its whole then it has to be either 4 or 5 it cant be 4.5, so lets be generous and keep it on the higher side as 5). After 5 days our man was back to his smoking best. This was the status quo 2 months 12 days 5 Hrs 57 minutes back. Are you surprised as to how I know the exact timing; well it will be clear soon.

End of Pre Commitment phase.

Mr. V – Post Commitment phase.

Once our training got over he was shifted to a different office where as I was in the main campus, so dint have much of an interaction for 3 weeks or so. But a couple of days back I met him in the bus and we got talking. He said that he has quit smoking after he got committed to Ms R. When I asked him about drinking he said that he has got the permission from Ms R to drink once every two weeks (very generous of Ms R , isn’t it?). I asked him whether he needed to ask permission from her, then he replied that he was very happy asking permissions. For sometime I thought that he was joking but I soon realized that he was not. Then our man with the most saintly voice he could conjure up told me that when was I going to become a better person (What he meant was, when was I going to quit smoking and become a responsible person, what the hell, I am a responsible person, smoking doesn’t make me irresponsible.). Then our hero started rambling that it had been 2 months 10 days since he last met her (Now you know how I got the figure in the last paragraph). Now to Mr. Vs waking habits. He gets up at 5:30 and gets ready by 6:10 and gives her a wakeup call, all this because she wants to hear his voice before starting her day (How romantic , isn’t it?). He said that he makes 5 calls to her per day. When I remarked on the phone bills our hero said that he had stopped calling up all his friends hence the bill has not gone up remarkably.

End of Post Commitment phase.

Well honestly speaking I was speechless, I was rather shocked by the change in him. Am not really opposed to his quitting of smoke or drinks but the trigger is what bothers me. Why it bothers me? Well that’s a topic for another post?

Me Back !!

Was away to Mumbai for a week to attend my cousins wedding. A large post on that coming soon. Lots of things to convey, will positively write the post by tomorrow :)

Thoughts

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette he was holding and burnt his finger. He immediately bought his finger near his lips and blew some air on the burn as if the air he blew would wipe away the wound from his finger. He started wondering what was he thinking but couldn’t remember it. He felt anger at himself for not being able to remember his own thoughts and the anger was even more justified because it was happening once too often. He has been getting complaints from people around him that he was preoccupied and he lives in his own world and he doesn’t pay too much attention to them. He already had 3 burns on the same spot. If somebody interrupts him and asks him what were he thinking he would say nothing in particular and the other person would get annoyed because they felt he was hiding some thing from them or he was not interested in speaking to them.

He crushed the cigarette under his feet as if reminding it who was the master. He slowly made his way to the wash basin and rinsed his burnt finger. The feel of the gushing water on his skin always calmed him down. Then he went back to the chair and lighted a fresh one. He is remembered of random conversations he had with some of the people around him. Not the entire conversations but bits and pieces of them. Some one said to him “You are so rude. You could have said that you won’t be joining for the dinner in a nicer way”, another sentence came to him “You lack human compassion otherwise how can you not miss any one “, then another “You are not human, I can’t see a human in you” and another “You have double standards.” He closed his ears tightly with both the hands hoping that these words would stop but they wouldn’t. He just got up from the chair and took a couple of steps. He liked to walk , he liked movement of any kind , he liked action because these thing remind him of the fact that he was still alive , at times he would crush the cigarette using his own fingers because the resulting pain would be a sign of life.

He couldn’t understand why these things were said to him but what bothered him was the fact that he was supposed to get hurt on hearing these things but he wasn’t. He had no passion for anything, he had no love for anyone, he had no goal to reach, he was not answerable to anyone, he was not responsible for anything, he had no desire to live nor he had any desire to die, he dint wish to create anything, he dint want to be remembered for ages to come, then what did he want? Just to exist? He thought of creating a pseudo passion, pseudo love, pseudo goal for himself and creating an illusory reason to live but again he doubted his ability to live a lie and discarded that possibility.

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette….