Pink - Part 1

There is this Gal in my company whom I met first during my training days. I was new to Bangalore during those times and the weekend after we got our first Salary she asked me whether I can accompany her to shopping precisely clothes. Being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types (then) I agreed to go with her.

Before describing the course of events that took place on that day, I would like to describe the way I shop. Before going to shop for clothes I would decide exactly what I am going to shop. I would decide that I want 3 shirts of so and so color whether short sleeved or full sleeved and so and so trousers to go with them. I would decide how many of these trousers are going to be Jeans, Casuals and so. So when I enter a store I would just ask for those things and the moment I realize that these are what I want, I would buy them (of course after keeping an eye on the price).So my shopping lasts usually for about ten minutes that too if there is a queue at the cash counter. My best pal Rajesh would beat me here.

So we decided to meet on Brigade road in front of Mota Arcade (It’s a Mall on Brigade road) at precisely 11:00 AM (Those I days I used to wake up early by 10 AM). Another bad habit of mine is I never follow the Indian standard time of being half an hour late but she did. I don’t mind waiting too much but I definitely mind waiting on Brigade road that too on a Saturday. (It’s a pain to wait there, it’s too crowdy, too noisy for my liking). Besides the crowd, noise and pollution a gang of Chinese women were eyeing me – you know what I mean. I tried calling this female to know about her whereabouts but half the time it said Network Busy and the other times it said User busy.

Finally I get a call from her at 11:35 asking me where I was. I was very tempted to say that I was at home sleeping and actually escape from there before she turns up but you know being a ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ types has its share of problems. I said very politely that I was at the place agreed upon (without a hint of frustration). She says she is stuck in the traffic jam hence she couldn’t come on time; I was very tempted to tell her that being two weeks old in Bangalore I knew what Bangalore traffic was like and she leading all her life in Bangalore should have known better and started early but you know being a ‘you know who’ I told her that its not a problem at all. Finally she says she will be at the rendezvous point in another 2 minutes and hanged up.

The 2 minutes became 15 minutes. See when some body tells you that they will be there in 2 minutes you are mentally prepared to see them in 2 minutes and when 2 minutes become 4 minutes and then 6, 8 and 10 you slowly lose the expectancy factor and when finally the person turns up you act as if you never expected to see the person. That’s what happened when she finally turned up at 11:50AM. By that time the Chinese Gang also gave up on me and left to look at other avenues I guess.

“Hi Avi !!!!”

To be Contd…..

D-P Ratio !!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls and children of all ages, you are extremely fortunate to be reading this. I am going to introduce you to one of the most phenomenal tools ever discovered in the history of mankind. This going to change your life for good. You are never going to be the same again. Here I bring it to you the chosen ones - “D-P Ratio “.

Ok enough of publicity stunt. Am I not good at marketing? No? At least I did a good enough job of holding your attention till now which most of the TV commercials never manage to do.

So what is all this hype about D-P ratio? Let me explain it in Detail.

D-P is an acronym for Desire-Potential. D-P ratio can be calculated for every action of ours be it the job we do, the games we play, the relationships we are in, the subject we study etc. Each of our action is characterized by these two parameters Desire- How much we want to do a particular thing? Potential – How good are we at doing it?

Have you ever wondered why do you hate what you are doing? Why are you not able to do what you want to do? The answer ladies and gentlemen lies in D-P Ratio.

Let me explain further. For example consider me. I sit and do coding all day although I am not particularly fond of it. Hence here my desire for coding is less (say 5 out of 10). But I am extremely good at coding (say my potential for coding is 9 out of 10). Even though I may hate doing what I am doing but since I am extremely good at it I am not doing that bad in life (by whose standards? By societal standards. Not mine). Here my D-P ratio becomes 5/9 which is approximately equal to 0.56.

Now let’s consider this case. I very badly want to be a singer. Here my desire is say 10. But I am very bad at singing (ok not very bad but yeah a bit bad ;)). Hence my potential of becoming a singer is very less say 2. Hence my D-P ratio for becoming a singer becomes 5. If I were to choose a career as a singer, I am going to end up with a screwed up life.

Hence the ideal D-P ratio for any action should be 1. If it is equal to 1 then you would love doing it and at the same time you would be extremely good at it.

So to summarize:

If

D-P Ratio is 1 – Just do it. There is nothing like it.

D-P Ratio is < 1 – You would be good at it but you may actually not be happy doing it.

D-P Ratio is >>1 – Though you love to do this but you are not good at it. So it would be foolish to keep doing it-look for a change over or look at ways to improve your potential and bring down your D-P ratio.

This concept is applicable to every action of ours. So guys thank me for introducing you to such a life changing ratio (Ok I am back to my Narcissist best). Reap the benefits of this ratio. I am not demanding any royalty for it (as if I am going to get ;)). I would be happy knowing if at least one of you benefited from it (ok Avi don’t become senti now ;)).

And yeah before anybody can plagiarize it I am patenting this ratio. ;)

Random Thoughts

He was sitting in his rocking chair with one hand on the trigger of the semi automatic and the other hand holding an unlighted cigarette. He had been fired this morning from his job for not adhering to the policies of the organization. As the thought crossed his mind an indifferent smile appeared on his face. He should feel dejected but he was not, he should be angry for being fired for absolutely no fault of his but he was not, he should be gritting his teeth and plotting revenge but he was not. “What’s the matter with me?” he said to himself.

The room was pitch dark, all the curtains down, all the windows shut. He preferred darkness. It just gave him a sense of safety. He felt that nobody can see his pain, nobody can read his thoughts. He can see what he wants to see. He can create a rational world of his own. He doesn’t want to see what light reveals. He doesn’t want to see the ugly face of the world he is currently living in.

“Why the fuck am I alive? “, the frustration was apparent in his voice. Why can’t I just end it all right now? , just blow my brains out, what difference is going to make to anyone? Nobody would give a damn if I die right now, in this very second and why anybody should care. It’s been one hell of a ride since the day he had realized how futile one’s existence is. He had wondered since then, realizing what he had, can one just go on leading a “normal” life? Can one believe that his life had a purpose and his goal in life is to achieve that purpose? “If such a person exists, just show up and reach out to me and make me believe that it can be done ”, he yelled in a pleading tone.

All these days what had kept him from taking his own life had been the hope that it may be possible to lead a “normal” life after knowing what he knows. Maybe he is missing something, which he may realize at a later point of time. But today had been a bit too much. He just wants to end all this agony right then.

But then again he decides against it. Is it the hope or the fear of death he cant say, but he just could not bring himself to commit suicide. He pulls the trigger of the semi-automatic and lights the cigarette.

Tete-a-tete with a Mallu Gal

This is a lunch conversation I had with a colleague who is from Kerala. The conversation some how shifted to Malayali Kutti ;).

She : So you would marry a Mallu gal ?

Me : Yeah! Why not if I like her ?

She: So religion, state and language not a problem for ya ?

Me : Nope not a problem at all. I am an Atheist -so religion no problem, I am a Human - So state, country not a problem and Love is the universal language - so language no problem.

She : So you dont believe in God (with absolute disbelief on her face) ?

Me : Nope, I dont. Do you ?

She: Ofcourse, what kind of a question is that ?

Me : So why do you believe in God ?

She:(Silent)........

Me : Tell me why do you believe in God and make a believer out of me.

She:(Silent).......

Me : I am giving you a chance to convince me that I should believe in God.

She:(Silent) If I tell you why I believe in God , then you will believe in God and make other people non believers.(She walks out with her plate )

Me : $%^&*

Can anybody explain me what her last statement meant ?

The Reason - (3:52)

I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you

The song above is by Hoobastank. Am in love with this song and listen to it umpteen number of times everyday. Guys you should listen to this song and the video is even better.

Irony

He stood there with arms wide open and looking towards the sky. It was hard to say whether he was welcoming the rain or awaiting a few answers as if they were to come from above. He liked the way the waves were caressing his feet, washing away the dirt deposited by the previous wave and adding some of its own. It was like dying and getting resurrected in the same moment. He badly wished if it were possible to wipe away the writings on one’s mind and start afresh.

He had convinced her to let go off her past.

He knew that Sagar loved her very much and they had been the best of friends for over 15 years now. He knew that no one could ever love her as much as Sagar did and she would be the happiest woman in the world if she were to marry him. They have had best of times together; they have shared every moment of their lives with each other and it would be poetic justice if they were to be together.

He had convinced her to accept Sagar’s proposal.

He hated playing God. He dint like the power he had, to change people’s lives. It’s a huge responsibility and at the same times a huge burden. If at all he dint knew Sagar and his love for her would he have convinced her to accept his proposal? Wouldn’t he himself…… He just shook his head as if it was futile to think on these lines. Things that are said may be forgotten but things that are unsaid may never be forgotten, had said one of his friends. How true he thought to himself. He knew that he had to let this moment of weakness pass very quickly because he can’t afford to be weak when he had been the symbol of strength for many.

He smiled to himself thinking about them.

The intensity of the rain has increased and he was no longer able to stare into the sky. He lowered his head and looked at the ocean. He loved the ocean right from his childhood. He had always thought that there are so many things that are common between him and the ocean. It’s accommodating nature, its expansiveness, its turbulence, he could relate to these qualities. He was thinking if ever the sky and ocean could unite? Or is it that they are never separated in first place? He dismissed that thought from his mind saying to himself that there is no time for such deliberations.

“Sagar……….”, shouted her voice. He turned back and started walking towards her.

Life !!!

Overcast Skies
Light Drizzle
Lightning
Thunder
Steaming hot coffee
Rocking chair
Smoke
Contemplative mood
Music

Awesome Combo isnt it ?

My Element

find your elementat mutedfaith.com.

Can marriage do this?

Ok, this post is about one of my friends in SAP (I work at SAP Labs India Bangalore). He is about to tie the knot this July. Have known him for 4 months out of which, 2 months he has been single and the other 2 months committed. I just want to depict the change in his attitude, pre commitment and post commitment phases. For the sake of protecting his identity lets keep his identity as ‘Mr. V’.

Mr. V – Pre Commitment phase.

Mr. V is best known among his friends as tanker. Let me elucidate the reason for this reputation. When he goes to the pub our man has the capacity to have 8 Vodka shots, 6 Whisky shots and 10 tequila shots all in a single outing, this earned him the well deserved name "Tanker". To complement his drinking prowess Mr. V used to smoke heavily too. He used to be our smoking supplier during training times. Now lets talk about his waking up habits. The bus comes to his place at 8:30 PM, our man happily wakes up at 8:20 PM and makes a run every single day (Am much better I wake up 15 minutes before the bus is dueJ). Our guy also had a crush during the training period which made him to quit smoking for the whole of 4.5 days (Ok if its whole then it has to be either 4 or 5 it cant be 4.5, so lets be generous and keep it on the higher side as 5). After 5 days our man was back to his smoking best. This was the status quo 2 months 12 days 5 Hrs 57 minutes back. Are you surprised as to how I know the exact timing; well it will be clear soon.

End of Pre Commitment phase.

Mr. V – Post Commitment phase.

Once our training got over he was shifted to a different office where as I was in the main campus, so dint have much of an interaction for 3 weeks or so. But a couple of days back I met him in the bus and we got talking. He said that he has quit smoking after he got committed to Ms R. When I asked him about drinking he said that he has got the permission from Ms R to drink once every two weeks (very generous of Ms R , isn’t it?). I asked him whether he needed to ask permission from her, then he replied that he was very happy asking permissions. For sometime I thought that he was joking but I soon realized that he was not. Then our man with the most saintly voice he could conjure up told me that when was I going to become a better person (What he meant was, when was I going to quit smoking and become a responsible person, what the hell, I am a responsible person, smoking doesn’t make me irresponsible.). Then our hero started rambling that it had been 2 months 10 days since he last met her (Now you know how I got the figure in the last paragraph). Now to Mr. Vs waking habits. He gets up at 5:30 and gets ready by 6:10 and gives her a wakeup call, all this because she wants to hear his voice before starting her day (How romantic , isn’t it?). He said that he makes 5 calls to her per day. When I remarked on the phone bills our hero said that he had stopped calling up all his friends hence the bill has not gone up remarkably.

End of Post Commitment phase.

Well honestly speaking I was speechless, I was rather shocked by the change in him. Am not really opposed to his quitting of smoke or drinks but the trigger is what bothers me. Why it bothers me? Well that’s a topic for another post?

Me Back !!

Was away to Mumbai for a week to attend my cousins wedding. A large post on that coming soon. Lots of things to convey, will positively write the post by tomorrow :)

Thoughts

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette he was holding and burnt his finger. He immediately bought his finger near his lips and blew some air on the burn as if the air he blew would wipe away the wound from his finger. He started wondering what was he thinking but couldn’t remember it. He felt anger at himself for not being able to remember his own thoughts and the anger was even more justified because it was happening once too often. He has been getting complaints from people around him that he was preoccupied and he lives in his own world and he doesn’t pay too much attention to them. He already had 3 burns on the same spot. If somebody interrupts him and asks him what were he thinking he would say nothing in particular and the other person would get annoyed because they felt he was hiding some thing from them or he was not interested in speaking to them.

He crushed the cigarette under his feet as if reminding it who was the master. He slowly made his way to the wash basin and rinsed his burnt finger. The feel of the gushing water on his skin always calmed him down. Then he went back to the chair and lighted a fresh one. He is remembered of random conversations he had with some of the people around him. Not the entire conversations but bits and pieces of them. Some one said to him “You are so rude. You could have said that you won’t be joining for the dinner in a nicer way”, another sentence came to him “You lack human compassion otherwise how can you not miss any one “, then another “You are not human, I can’t see a human in you” and another “You have double standards.” He closed his ears tightly with both the hands hoping that these words would stop but they wouldn’t. He just got up from the chair and took a couple of steps. He liked to walk , he liked movement of any kind , he liked action because these thing remind him of the fact that he was still alive , at times he would crush the cigarette using his own fingers because the resulting pain would be a sign of life.

He couldn’t understand why these things were said to him but what bothered him was the fact that he was supposed to get hurt on hearing these things but he wasn’t. He had no passion for anything, he had no love for anyone, he had no goal to reach, he was not answerable to anyone, he was not responsible for anything, he had no desire to live nor he had any desire to die, he dint wish to create anything, he dint want to be remembered for ages to come, then what did he want? Just to exist? He thought of creating a pseudo passion, pseudo love, pseudo goal for himself and creating an illusory reason to live but again he doubted his ability to live a lie and discarded that possibility.

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette….

If Men were from Venus and Women were from Mars – Part 1

The other day (Don ask me which day cos I don remember) I was just wondering, what life will be like if the behavior of men and women were interchanged. Few movie scenes came to my mind immediately.

One of them was from the movie Notting Hill, Hugh grant standing in front of Julia Roberts saying “Am just a boy standing in front of a gal asking her to love him”.

Another movie was Dev(i)das(i) imagine Aishwarya Rai drinking her way to death and Shahrukh Khan marrying Aruna Irani and Imran hashmi in the role of Madhuri Dixit.

Another movie was Spider(wo)man in which our own Angelina Jolie playing the lead role and Toby Maguire playing as her love. The scene at the end of part 2 will be like Toby Maguire telling to Jolie “Go get them Tigress “. And Sean Connery will be in the role of Aunt May, imagine him saying to Jolie “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Another hilarious movie was “When Harry met sally”. The scene which came to my dirty mind was – Sally faking an orgasm in the restaurant. I think this scene will be like Harry faking a b**w job. Will Harry Potter be named as Sally Potter? Ok that was a bad one.

Imagine Keanu Reeves being cast in clueless instead of Reese Witherspoon and Nicolas cage acting as the prince in the Prince(ss) Diaries. Madonna and Britney spears being cast in Brokeback mountain. Demi moore will act in “What (wo)men want”.

There are numerous other movies. There are lots of other areas to be explored apart from movies. Any ideas are welcome.

Weekend Updates !!!

Last week I had four days off, actually only 3 but I took one more day off to make it 4 in a row. Apart from that my quota of leave was also under utilized :). Its has been quite sum time since I have slept till afternoon, the reason for this being I have to wake up at 6:30 A.M to go to office everyday and during the weekends I have to wake up even more early to play cricket. But these four days I never got up before 12 PM :). All in all watched 8 movies in the four days :). Let me list the movies one by one.

1. Shawshank Redemption - Yeah yeah, I know . Better late than never.

2. Butterfly Effect - Dint get the head or tail of the movie during the first hour of the movie, but I never knew it was going to be worth the wait. I even called up the guy who suggested the movie and uttered unspeakable obscenities. But that guy since he has already seen the movie suggested that I be patient and watch it till the end. In the end I was like wow, what an amazing concept. Try to watch the movie when U get a chance and yeah don forget to watch it till the end.:)

3. Fantastic Voyage - This movie came up in sixties and for that time this movie has amazing graphics. The movie is based on one of the Asimov's books.The story of the movie is sum thing like this. There is a scientist wid the brain tumor and he is in coma. There is a technology to miniaturize a person. Hence what they do is miniaturize a submarine wid five people and injects the submarine into the blood stream of the victim. The idea is to get to the position of tumor using the artery and use laser beam to destroy the tumor. The catch is they can stay miniaturized only for 60 mins after that they start growing back to their old size. Whether they are successful in destroying the tumor or not, to find out that, go the nearest DVD renting shop and get yourself a Fantastic Voyage DVD.

4. Hotshots 2 - Absolutely hilarious. Spoof of Rambo with US politics and war on Iraq.

5. On the Line - This is a romantic comedy. This guy meets a gal on the train and they have some arbit conversation and after that she leaves. But later out hero realizes that he is love with the heroine but he doesn’t know anything about her. So what does he do, sticks posters asking her to call him on a particular number. Suddenly he gets calls from every desperate woman in the city. Does the girl respond and call him back? Do they happily live ever after? To know that keep an eye on the star movies schedule for the movie called “On the Line”.

6. Alien Vs Predator – Well supposed to be a horror flick but dint find anything horrifying in the movie. Wouldn’t say worth a watch.

7. Garfield - Just too good. Hilarious stuff.

8. Nature Unleashed Earthquake - Some crap.

Apart from these 8 movies, watched lots of sports, at least 10 games of foot ball, 20 hrs of cricket, and one formula one race and had lots of food.

Also went to Nandi hills one of these days to enjoy the sunrise, a post on that later.

In the coming week I am going to post about my experience wid a friend before and after he got committed. So watch out for the next post.

Does it make sense ?

I opened my Yahoo messenger today after a long time, one of the offline messages was as shown below.

"ladynatali_** (13/Mar/06 1:08:10 PM): the first time i saw you i dont i just found it im falling in love w/ you every night and day you are always in my mind .if you are willing meet me here my address analit mondano turning 28 in july im a certified single im a simple girl kind honest and responsible my address analit mondano purok 1 brgy. magsaysay kidapawan, city 9400 phils. one aggreement speak only tagalog if you are meet me in person . i love you very much take good care of yourself,. i love you i mish you "

Now to the post mortem of the message.

the first time i saw you ( I have never met anybody by that name ) i dont i just found it im falling in love w/ you ( Whats the bottom line is she in Love wid me or not ?) you every night and day you are always in my mind ( This a bit different instead of Day and Night our lady uses Night and Day, perhaps trying sumthing different or is it her idea of seduction).if you are willing meet me here my address analit mondano turning 28 in july im a certified single(Where do you get such certifications? I mean do you really get a certificate kinda thing with your name printed on it and a hologram with company's name on it so that it cant be faked? Do you get any benefits out of such certifications? how many levels are there ? How are the job prospects in U.S if u have this certification?) im a simple girl kind honest and responsible my address analit mondano purok 1 brgy. magsaysay kidapawan, city 9400 phils. one aggreement speak only tagalog($%^&@# ?) if you are meet me in person . i love you very much take good care of yourself,. i love you i mish you ( Mish ? I guess she means Miss, any way I got reminded of Mishti Doi - Its a Bengali dish , Is Analit a Bengali name ?)

P.S - I have represented the last two letters of her ID with stars just to protect her identity after all the poor female is in love wid me, you see she also mishes me.

GOD getting booed !!!!

" I was an atheist until someone told me that Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar was God."

The incident which triggered this post is Sachin getting booed by the Mumbai crowd last Sunday. But the desire to write this post has been there for quite sometime now. Some time back I was shocked, infuriated, frustrated and angered when I saw the head line "Endulkar?" I wanted to write this post then but I waited and the God answered my prayers when he played the most important role in winning the one day series against Pakistan and the entire media hailed his innings of 95 as one of the best innings ever played given the conditions. I was happy that the master has delivered and didnt see a necessity to write this post. But fews days later, now I see the God getting booed in his own backyard. Are these people crazy to expect that everytime the master goes to bat he must score a century. I agree that he played a loose shot , he shouldnt have got out the way he did but comeon people its just a mistake cant you forgive his one folly after all he has done for the Indian cricket. He has been playing international cricket for sixteen years now and there was a period when he carried the entire burden when there was nobody to support him he kept the spirits of people alive, he kept their faith in the Indian team alive, he dragged the crowds to the stadium and now you give him this, is this the tribute you pay to this great man. You might argue that he has not won as many games for India although he has all the records, now people tell me is it his fault if he plays and nobody around him plays remember cricket is a team game its not a one man show. I admit that he is no more his old self his game has evolved with time and years has taken a toll on his body. Probably this is the beginning of the end for him but he doesnt deserve the treatment he is getting now, just leave him alone and he will show you what he can do. Do you people think that India can win 2007 world cup without this man, if so check out the world cup statistics of Sachin and you will understand that India will come nowhere close to winning the worldcup without him. India needs this man and they cannot dispose him off as easiliy as they did it with Ganguly. Today is the fifth day of Mumbai test match how badly I wish him to remove that helmet and raise the bat to the pavillion and thank the skies. Yesterday I had another jolt when I heard that he would be out of one day series against the England with shoulder injury, these are not good signs, there is a possibility that there is little cricket left in him. So guys from now on when ever he comes to bat savour his batting as if he is never goin to bat again.

What a day !!!!

Whoa !!! What a day has been yesterday!!! A perfect sunday after a long time.

Highlights of the day:

1. Played Cricket in the morning and scored some runs after a long time :).

2. Indian tail did wag and hence a lead of 38 runs.

3. Five of England wickets fell yesterday ( Today India won the match).

4. Watched Iqbal on Sony Max, worth a watch, liked it very much.

5. Fernando Alonso won the Bahrain Grand Prix.

6. Was fortunate enough to watch one of the greatest Cricket matches ever played in the history of the game. South Africa won the match and the series against Australia. Number of records tumbled. Absolutely nail biting encounter.

7. Manchester United won against NewCastle united 2-0. Rooney score two goals.

8. Liverpool lost against Arsenal 0-2 . Not that am a Arsenal fan but since Liverpool are in the race for second place in the premiership and competing against Manchester United I wanted them to lose.

I was Euphoric after SA won the match, wanted them to beat Australia very badly. All the old memories (SAs defeat in the world cup semi final) came back flooding. I couldnt have asked for a better Sunday.

Choice Vs Destiny

People always tell me that life is a compromise and i always retort back saying that life is a choice. But i guess the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Neither everything is a compromise nor everything is choice. There are certain things which you decide by choice and there are certain things where you have no voice. For example I can definitely have my say in what am going to study, whom am goin to marry, how many kids am going to have (not always but most of the times) but I don have a say when it comes to nature-earthquakes, floods, weather etc. But I want to figure out to what extent are our lives governed by the choices we make. The majority of people believe that there is very little choice in life, they leave every thing to so called destiny. They always say that am destined to do my engineering, am destines to marry Miss J ( no this is not the J from previous post), am destined to do this and do that. The saddest part of such attitude is they never realize that there existed a choice and when they are unhappy during later part of their lives they blame it on destiny rather than taking ownership of the situation they are in. It works perfectly well fo them because they feel they have done nothing wrong and it all went wrong cos it was destined to go wrong. But the most important question would be is it right to live this way? When we are presented with a situation shouldn we rationally analyse it and figure out what choices we have got and see what are consequences of each choice and then select which suits the best. There are many advantages with this approach because one thing we are most of the times in control of our lives and these choices work the way we want them to in most of the cases and another thing is we can always rationally justify the choices we make if such a need arises. And ofourse there is always a danger of making a wrong choice but thats alright we can always retrospect as to what went wrong, this is atleast much better than not knowing why we are where we are.I believe that 90% times in life we have a choice and the rest probably is a compromise. There are so many things in life we can choose, we can choose what to study, where to live, to pick our friends, to choose the life partner, what kind of work we want to do etc. It takes a lot of courage to choose because some of the choices may not be time tested, they may not have any emprical weightage, but if your rational faculties say that its the best fit then why not go for it?

I donno who said this but I would like to quote a few lines.

"I wish I had the serenity to accept the things I cant change, Knowledge to change the things I can and wisdom to differentiate between the two."

What's their f^&*ing problem?

Moi went to Chennai last weekend after a long gap of 2 months. I just wanted spend a lazy weekend feasting on home made cuisines and basically just lazing around. I seriously had no plans of going to any relative's place. But moi mom dragged me along to moi granny's place, no matter of pleading, threatening helped she just emotionally blackmailed me saying that your grand mother is too old and she might pass away any day and I might regret not meeting her etc. I gave in saying that will go sometime in the evening and happily slept off where as moi mom left in the morning itself asking me to eat out :(. So much for the home made cuisines. Moi got up around 4 PM after sleeping at 10 AM :) and lazed around for sometime then realized that I cant escape and I have to go. Finally made to moi granny's place around 5:30 PM.

On going there I realized that its not as bad as I feared in to be, after all they were moi own people, ofcourse a lot of sweets and snacks helped the cause though :). Moi granny was asking me all sorts of questions ranging from Pay package to girl friends. I assured her that i dont have any girl friends and she appeared to be happy on hearing this. I just hoped that she wouldnt pick up the topic of marriage and for a change she dint.:). Finally went to Aunt's place where mom was supposed to be and I thought the ordeal was over without much fuss( not knowing what awaited me at my aunt's place).

Went to Aunt's place exchanged a few pleasantries and then it all began. Moi cousin that bugger who is two yrs younger to me is getting married in a couple of months. So aunt asked me what are moi plans about tying the knot. I said I havnt thought about it hoping that it wouldnt be probed further. Then moi other aunt ( moi mom has 3 sisters) was like we will have to look for a gal who is also working so that she wouldnt get bored when am at office other wise she will just run away and everybody started giggling as if it were a joke. Then she said that there is a girl called Miss J and she also had done her engineering ( mind you its very rare in our community i.e Jains for a girl to study beyond 12th) and she also has plans of working etc. I repeated I havent thought about marriage as of now before I could complete the sentence, moi another cousin's wife started shouting that Miss J is too fat and she wont be a good match for me. For that moi aunt replied that she was fat before but not now. Moi mom also pithed in saying that she had seen Miss J some 8 yrs back( probably she would have been 13 at that time) and she was very pretty with her small face. Then they just sat there and were discussing about my marriage ,my gal, my life as if I were non existent. When they were busy arguing whether Miss J is a good match for me or not, I inconspicuosly slipped out of the room and was finally at peace.

This is not the first time that it had happened and I fear nor will this be the last time. Its a good topic of conversation for them and they take it upon as their responsibility to set me up. Will have to plan something so that these conversations dont happen too often. Thinking of creating a illusory Girl friend and letting them know that am already committed so that these conversations can stop.

Unwell

This song is by a band called Matchbox 20. Its an amazing song very well sung. Try to listen to it when you get a chance.

ALL DAY
STARING AT THE CEILING MAKING
FRIENDS WITH SHADOWS ON MY WALL
ALL NIGHT
I'M HEARING VOICES TELLING ME
THAT I SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE GOOD
FOR SOMETHING

HOLD ON
I'M FEELING LIKE I'M HEADED FOR A
BREAKDOWN
I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU CAN'T TELL
BUT STAY AWHILE AND MAYBE THEN YOU'LL SEE
A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME
I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE IMPAIRED
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T CARE
BUT SOON ENOUGH YOU'RE GONNA THINK OF ME
AND HOW I USED TO BE

SEE ME
TALKING TO MYSELF IN PUBLIC
AND DODGING GLANCES ON THE TRAIN
I KNOW
I KNOW THEY'VE ALL BEEN TALKING 'BOUT ME
I CAN HEAR THEM WHISPER
AND IT MAKES ME THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME

OUT OF ALL THE HOURS THINKING
SOMEHOW
I'VE LOST MY MIND

TALKING IN MY SLEEP
PRETTY SOON THEY'LL COME TO GET ME
THEY'LL BE TAKING ME AWAY

I Shall think of you when tears are hard to comeby