Thoughts

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette he was holding and burnt his finger. He immediately bought his finger near his lips and blew some air on the burn as if the air he blew would wipe away the wound from his finger. He started wondering what was he thinking but couldn’t remember it. He felt anger at himself for not being able to remember his own thoughts and the anger was even more justified because it was happening once too often. He has been getting complaints from people around him that he was preoccupied and he lives in his own world and he doesn’t pay too much attention to them. He already had 3 burns on the same spot. If somebody interrupts him and asks him what were he thinking he would say nothing in particular and the other person would get annoyed because they felt he was hiding some thing from them or he was not interested in speaking to them.

He crushed the cigarette under his feet as if reminding it who was the master. He slowly made his way to the wash basin and rinsed his burnt finger. The feel of the gushing water on his skin always calmed him down. Then he went back to the chair and lighted a fresh one. He is remembered of random conversations he had with some of the people around him. Not the entire conversations but bits and pieces of them. Some one said to him “You are so rude. You could have said that you won’t be joining for the dinner in a nicer way”, another sentence came to him “You lack human compassion otherwise how can you not miss any one “, then another “You are not human, I can’t see a human in you” and another “You have double standards.” He closed his ears tightly with both the hands hoping that these words would stop but they wouldn’t. He just got up from the chair and took a couple of steps. He liked to walk , he liked movement of any kind , he liked action because these thing remind him of the fact that he was still alive , at times he would crush the cigarette using his own fingers because the resulting pain would be a sign of life.

He couldn’t understand why these things were said to him but what bothered him was the fact that he was supposed to get hurt on hearing these things but he wasn’t. He had no passion for anything, he had no love for anyone, he had no goal to reach, he was not answerable to anyone, he was not responsible for anything, he had no desire to live nor he had any desire to die, he dint wish to create anything, he dint want to be remembered for ages to come, then what did he want? Just to exist? He thought of creating a pseudo passion, pseudo love, pseudo goal for himself and creating an illusory reason to live but again he doubted his ability to live a lie and discarded that possibility.

He was awakened from his reverie when the fire reached the stub of the cigarette….

If Men were from Venus and Women were from Mars – Part 1

The other day (Don ask me which day cos I don remember) I was just wondering, what life will be like if the behavior of men and women were interchanged. Few movie scenes came to my mind immediately.

One of them was from the movie Notting Hill, Hugh grant standing in front of Julia Roberts saying “Am just a boy standing in front of a gal asking her to love him”.

Another movie was Dev(i)das(i) imagine Aishwarya Rai drinking her way to death and Shahrukh Khan marrying Aruna Irani and Imran hashmi in the role of Madhuri Dixit.

Another movie was Spider(wo)man in which our own Angelina Jolie playing the lead role and Toby Maguire playing as her love. The scene at the end of part 2 will be like Toby Maguire telling to Jolie “Go get them Tigress “. And Sean Connery will be in the role of Aunt May, imagine him saying to Jolie “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Another hilarious movie was “When Harry met sally”. The scene which came to my dirty mind was – Sally faking an orgasm in the restaurant. I think this scene will be like Harry faking a b**w job. Will Harry Potter be named as Sally Potter? Ok that was a bad one.

Imagine Keanu Reeves being cast in clueless instead of Reese Witherspoon and Nicolas cage acting as the prince in the Prince(ss) Diaries. Madonna and Britney spears being cast in Brokeback mountain. Demi moore will act in “What (wo)men want”.

There are numerous other movies. There are lots of other areas to be explored apart from movies. Any ideas are welcome.

Weekend Updates !!!

Last week I had four days off, actually only 3 but I took one more day off to make it 4 in a row. Apart from that my quota of leave was also under utilized :). Its has been quite sum time since I have slept till afternoon, the reason for this being I have to wake up at 6:30 A.M to go to office everyday and during the weekends I have to wake up even more early to play cricket. But these four days I never got up before 12 PM :). All in all watched 8 movies in the four days :). Let me list the movies one by one.

1. Shawshank Redemption - Yeah yeah, I know . Better late than never.

2. Butterfly Effect - Dint get the head or tail of the movie during the first hour of the movie, but I never knew it was going to be worth the wait. I even called up the guy who suggested the movie and uttered unspeakable obscenities. But that guy since he has already seen the movie suggested that I be patient and watch it till the end. In the end I was like wow, what an amazing concept. Try to watch the movie when U get a chance and yeah don forget to watch it till the end.:)

3. Fantastic Voyage - This movie came up in sixties and for that time this movie has amazing graphics. The movie is based on one of the Asimov's books.The story of the movie is sum thing like this. There is a scientist wid the brain tumor and he is in coma. There is a technology to miniaturize a person. Hence what they do is miniaturize a submarine wid five people and injects the submarine into the blood stream of the victim. The idea is to get to the position of tumor using the artery and use laser beam to destroy the tumor. The catch is they can stay miniaturized only for 60 mins after that they start growing back to their old size. Whether they are successful in destroying the tumor or not, to find out that, go the nearest DVD renting shop and get yourself a Fantastic Voyage DVD.

4. Hotshots 2 - Absolutely hilarious. Spoof of Rambo with US politics and war on Iraq.

5. On the Line - This is a romantic comedy. This guy meets a gal on the train and they have some arbit conversation and after that she leaves. But later out hero realizes that he is love with the heroine but he doesn’t know anything about her. So what does he do, sticks posters asking her to call him on a particular number. Suddenly he gets calls from every desperate woman in the city. Does the girl respond and call him back? Do they happily live ever after? To know that keep an eye on the star movies schedule for the movie called “On the Line”.

6. Alien Vs Predator – Well supposed to be a horror flick but dint find anything horrifying in the movie. Wouldn’t say worth a watch.

7. Garfield - Just too good. Hilarious stuff.

8. Nature Unleashed Earthquake - Some crap.

Apart from these 8 movies, watched lots of sports, at least 10 games of foot ball, 20 hrs of cricket, and one formula one race and had lots of food.

Also went to Nandi hills one of these days to enjoy the sunrise, a post on that later.

In the coming week I am going to post about my experience wid a friend before and after he got committed. So watch out for the next post.

Does it make sense ?

I opened my Yahoo messenger today after a long time, one of the offline messages was as shown below.

"ladynatali_** (13/Mar/06 1:08:10 PM): the first time i saw you i dont i just found it im falling in love w/ you every night and day you are always in my mind .if you are willing meet me here my address analit mondano turning 28 in july im a certified single im a simple girl kind honest and responsible my address analit mondano purok 1 brgy. magsaysay kidapawan, city 9400 phils. one aggreement speak only tagalog if you are meet me in person . i love you very much take good care of yourself,. i love you i mish you "

Now to the post mortem of the message.

the first time i saw you ( I have never met anybody by that name ) i dont i just found it im falling in love w/ you ( Whats the bottom line is she in Love wid me or not ?) you every night and day you are always in my mind ( This a bit different instead of Day and Night our lady uses Night and Day, perhaps trying sumthing different or is it her idea of seduction).if you are willing meet me here my address analit mondano turning 28 in july im a certified single(Where do you get such certifications? I mean do you really get a certificate kinda thing with your name printed on it and a hologram with company's name on it so that it cant be faked? Do you get any benefits out of such certifications? how many levels are there ? How are the job prospects in U.S if u have this certification?) im a simple girl kind honest and responsible my address analit mondano purok 1 brgy. magsaysay kidapawan, city 9400 phils. one aggreement speak only tagalog($%^&@# ?) if you are meet me in person . i love you very much take good care of yourself,. i love you i mish you ( Mish ? I guess she means Miss, any way I got reminded of Mishti Doi - Its a Bengali dish , Is Analit a Bengali name ?)

P.S - I have represented the last two letters of her ID with stars just to protect her identity after all the poor female is in love wid me, you see she also mishes me.

GOD getting booed !!!!

" I was an atheist until someone told me that Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar was God."

The incident which triggered this post is Sachin getting booed by the Mumbai crowd last Sunday. But the desire to write this post has been there for quite sometime now. Some time back I was shocked, infuriated, frustrated and angered when I saw the head line "Endulkar?" I wanted to write this post then but I waited and the God answered my prayers when he played the most important role in winning the one day series against Pakistan and the entire media hailed his innings of 95 as one of the best innings ever played given the conditions. I was happy that the master has delivered and didnt see a necessity to write this post. But fews days later, now I see the God getting booed in his own backyard. Are these people crazy to expect that everytime the master goes to bat he must score a century. I agree that he played a loose shot , he shouldnt have got out the way he did but comeon people its just a mistake cant you forgive his one folly after all he has done for the Indian cricket. He has been playing international cricket for sixteen years now and there was a period when he carried the entire burden when there was nobody to support him he kept the spirits of people alive, he kept their faith in the Indian team alive, he dragged the crowds to the stadium and now you give him this, is this the tribute you pay to this great man. You might argue that he has not won as many games for India although he has all the records, now people tell me is it his fault if he plays and nobody around him plays remember cricket is a team game its not a one man show. I admit that he is no more his old self his game has evolved with time and years has taken a toll on his body. Probably this is the beginning of the end for him but he doesnt deserve the treatment he is getting now, just leave him alone and he will show you what he can do. Do you people think that India can win 2007 world cup without this man, if so check out the world cup statistics of Sachin and you will understand that India will come nowhere close to winning the worldcup without him. India needs this man and they cannot dispose him off as easiliy as they did it with Ganguly. Today is the fifth day of Mumbai test match how badly I wish him to remove that helmet and raise the bat to the pavillion and thank the skies. Yesterday I had another jolt when I heard that he would be out of one day series against the England with shoulder injury, these are not good signs, there is a possibility that there is little cricket left in him. So guys from now on when ever he comes to bat savour his batting as if he is never goin to bat again.

What a day !!!!

Whoa !!! What a day has been yesterday!!! A perfect sunday after a long time.

Highlights of the day:

1. Played Cricket in the morning and scored some runs after a long time :).

2. Indian tail did wag and hence a lead of 38 runs.

3. Five of England wickets fell yesterday ( Today India won the match).

4. Watched Iqbal on Sony Max, worth a watch, liked it very much.

5. Fernando Alonso won the Bahrain Grand Prix.

6. Was fortunate enough to watch one of the greatest Cricket matches ever played in the history of the game. South Africa won the match and the series against Australia. Number of records tumbled. Absolutely nail biting encounter.

7. Manchester United won against NewCastle united 2-0. Rooney score two goals.

8. Liverpool lost against Arsenal 0-2 . Not that am a Arsenal fan but since Liverpool are in the race for second place in the premiership and competing against Manchester United I wanted them to lose.

I was Euphoric after SA won the match, wanted them to beat Australia very badly. All the old memories (SAs defeat in the world cup semi final) came back flooding. I couldnt have asked for a better Sunday.

Choice Vs Destiny

People always tell me that life is a compromise and i always retort back saying that life is a choice. But i guess the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Neither everything is a compromise nor everything is choice. There are certain things which you decide by choice and there are certain things where you have no voice. For example I can definitely have my say in what am going to study, whom am goin to marry, how many kids am going to have (not always but most of the times) but I don have a say when it comes to nature-earthquakes, floods, weather etc. But I want to figure out to what extent are our lives governed by the choices we make. The majority of people believe that there is very little choice in life, they leave every thing to so called destiny. They always say that am destined to do my engineering, am destines to marry Miss J ( no this is not the J from previous post), am destined to do this and do that. The saddest part of such attitude is they never realize that there existed a choice and when they are unhappy during later part of their lives they blame it on destiny rather than taking ownership of the situation they are in. It works perfectly well fo them because they feel they have done nothing wrong and it all went wrong cos it was destined to go wrong. But the most important question would be is it right to live this way? When we are presented with a situation shouldn we rationally analyse it and figure out what choices we have got and see what are consequences of each choice and then select which suits the best. There are many advantages with this approach because one thing we are most of the times in control of our lives and these choices work the way we want them to in most of the cases and another thing is we can always rationally justify the choices we make if such a need arises. And ofourse there is always a danger of making a wrong choice but thats alright we can always retrospect as to what went wrong, this is atleast much better than not knowing why we are where we are.I believe that 90% times in life we have a choice and the rest probably is a compromise. There are so many things in life we can choose, we can choose what to study, where to live, to pick our friends, to choose the life partner, what kind of work we want to do etc. It takes a lot of courage to choose because some of the choices may not be time tested, they may not have any emprical weightage, but if your rational faculties say that its the best fit then why not go for it?

I donno who said this but I would like to quote a few lines.

"I wish I had the serenity to accept the things I cant change, Knowledge to change the things I can and wisdom to differentiate between the two."

What's their f^&*ing problem?

Moi went to Chennai last weekend after a long gap of 2 months. I just wanted spend a lazy weekend feasting on home made cuisines and basically just lazing around. I seriously had no plans of going to any relative's place. But moi mom dragged me along to moi granny's place, no matter of pleading, threatening helped she just emotionally blackmailed me saying that your grand mother is too old and she might pass away any day and I might regret not meeting her etc. I gave in saying that will go sometime in the evening and happily slept off where as moi mom left in the morning itself asking me to eat out :(. So much for the home made cuisines. Moi got up around 4 PM after sleeping at 10 AM :) and lazed around for sometime then realized that I cant escape and I have to go. Finally made to moi granny's place around 5:30 PM.

On going there I realized that its not as bad as I feared in to be, after all they were moi own people, ofcourse a lot of sweets and snacks helped the cause though :). Moi granny was asking me all sorts of questions ranging from Pay package to girl friends. I assured her that i dont have any girl friends and she appeared to be happy on hearing this. I just hoped that she wouldnt pick up the topic of marriage and for a change she dint.:). Finally went to Aunt's place where mom was supposed to be and I thought the ordeal was over without much fuss( not knowing what awaited me at my aunt's place).

Went to Aunt's place exchanged a few pleasantries and then it all began. Moi cousin that bugger who is two yrs younger to me is getting married in a couple of months. So aunt asked me what are moi plans about tying the knot. I said I havnt thought about it hoping that it wouldnt be probed further. Then moi other aunt ( moi mom has 3 sisters) was like we will have to look for a gal who is also working so that she wouldnt get bored when am at office other wise she will just run away and everybody started giggling as if it were a joke. Then she said that there is a girl called Miss J and she also had done her engineering ( mind you its very rare in our community i.e Jains for a girl to study beyond 12th) and she also has plans of working etc. I repeated I havent thought about marriage as of now before I could complete the sentence, moi another cousin's wife started shouting that Miss J is too fat and she wont be a good match for me. For that moi aunt replied that she was fat before but not now. Moi mom also pithed in saying that she had seen Miss J some 8 yrs back( probably she would have been 13 at that time) and she was very pretty with her small face. Then they just sat there and were discussing about my marriage ,my gal, my life as if I were non existent. When they were busy arguing whether Miss J is a good match for me or not, I inconspicuosly slipped out of the room and was finally at peace.

This is not the first time that it had happened and I fear nor will this be the last time. Its a good topic of conversation for them and they take it upon as their responsibility to set me up. Will have to plan something so that these conversations dont happen too often. Thinking of creating a illusory Girl friend and letting them know that am already committed so that these conversations can stop.

Unwell

This song is by a band called Matchbox 20. Its an amazing song very well sung. Try to listen to it when you get a chance.

ALL DAY
STARING AT THE CEILING MAKING
FRIENDS WITH SHADOWS ON MY WALL
ALL NIGHT
I'M HEARING VOICES TELLING ME
THAT I SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE GOOD
FOR SOMETHING

HOLD ON
I'M FEELING LIKE I'M HEADED FOR A
BREAKDOWN
I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU CAN'T TELL
BUT STAY AWHILE AND MAYBE THEN YOU'LL SEE
A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME
I'M NOT CRAZY I'M JUST A LITTLE IMPAIRED
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T CARE
BUT SOON ENOUGH YOU'RE GONNA THINK OF ME
AND HOW I USED TO BE

SEE ME
TALKING TO MYSELF IN PUBLIC
AND DODGING GLANCES ON THE TRAIN
I KNOW
I KNOW THEY'VE ALL BEEN TALKING 'BOUT ME
I CAN HEAR THEM WHISPER
AND IT MAKES ME THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME

OUT OF ALL THE HOURS THINKING
SOMEHOW
I'VE LOST MY MIND

TALKING IN MY SLEEP
PRETTY SOON THEY'LL COME TO GET ME
THEY'LL BE TAKING ME AWAY

I Shall think of you when tears are hard to comeby

Passion or the lack of it

How important is passion to ones life? I have been haunted by this question for quite some time. I have this nagging feeling that am not passionate about anything in life. I have this attitude of sab-kuch-chalta-hain which am not very sure if its a good attitude to have. When ever am haunted by this question I console myself saying that its just a matter of time before i discover my passion. But there is another side of me which asks me what if I don find my passion and it doesnt feel good when I confront such a question. I can always create a psuedo sense of passion like many other people but my code of life which I live by doesn allow me to do so. But I personally believe that being passionate about some thing is very important to celebrate ones existence, it could be anything, could be work, music, people or anything else. Its kinda gives meaning to your life, purpose to your life without which it would be a lie if I say I am alive. Without passion it feels like you are on a slippery ground with absolutely nothing to hold on. You might fall anytime and never be able to getup. These days I feel am not attached to anything in this world, I hardly feel any emotion, I am very quiet for larger periods of time and when I try to break the silence I feel that a part of me is had been detached and its mockin at my effort. I hope I find my footing soon before its too late.

I got a comment on one of my previous mails. The comment is given below in italics.

I know this is late, but still...


You know what I'm thinking? When you/I/we say that love is "earned" by means of 'virtue', 'virtue' needs to be defined. And virtue - like anything else that is moral - is a very subjective thing. After what I've been through, 'virtue' has begun to acquire a new meaning these days. So, I think to resolve this argument -- for my sake -- for once and for all, let us try to define virtue.

Initially, I used to believe virtues could be 'counted', as in I could make a list of characteristics -- which I (again it's 'I' - a subjective issue here) deemed worthy -- and then say whether I loved (I'm talking of all kinds of love here) a person or not depending on how many of these characteristics he/she had. And then when he/she started losing these characteristics, I would then stop loving that person. I've since come to realize that this is wrong.

So, back to defining virtue. This is what I believe in now: the only virtue that ultimately matters in a person is whether that person is 'good' at heart or not. Again, by trying to see whether a person is good or not, I'm wary of falling into the 'characteristics list' trap. To me, whether a person is good or not, is solely based on the same three principles
Ayn Rand propounded -- egoism, reason and freedom. A set of core values -- that is all! And this is where I believe I'm making the shift from being judgmental -- which is what made me 'love' people on the basis of my 'characteristics list' -- to being perceptive and understanding -- which is what now makes me aware of the "goodness" in them.

When we start disliking people on the basis of the 'characteristics list', I feel we are being less understanding of their situation and circumstances. Like Atticus Finch, we need to put ourselves in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. What we dislike are merely faults in them. The faults don't matter -- they just obstruct our view of the bigger picture. Working on them does, however. And this is where the 'goodness' comes into play.

Not having the courage to make a life-altering decision might be an indication of cowardice, which could make you not 'love' someone. Throwing insults out of anger is also not justified, which could also make you fall out of 'love'. But when someone tries to undo every 'bad' thing -- by summoning the courage to make that life-altering decision, by regretting every insult -- that is when you need to stop, become Atticus Finch, and start feeling.After all, we are beings of emotion, even though we bide by reason. Maybe it makes us weak, but then it is also what makes us love.-- The double dashes give me away.PS: Turn on the word verification.

Now to my reply .

I realize the importance and implications of what you have stated above fully, It was mighty important for you to make the shift from being judgemental to being perceptive and understanding, that’s the only way you could have done certain things which you couldn have done otherwise. You believed in certain core values or rather the 'characteristic list' and am sure you still continue to believe them but you were caught in the classic inner conflict of heart vs mind(emotion vs reason). Your mind said that she doesn’t meet your characteristic list or rather a part of it and hence you cannot love her the way you want to but your heart refused to take this as a justification. Though your mind damned her your heart still longed for her and you had to come up with some thing really convincing that would resolve this conflict and this has to be done before taking any further steps. And trust me the explanation above was quite convincing.


You said "To me, whether a person is good or not, is solely based on the same three principles ,Ayn Rand propounded -- egoism, reason and freedom. A set of core values -- that is all! " You agree that these are core values , these form the basis on which a person should base his code of life. And I hope you also agree that what ever virtues or the 'characteristic list' we form, every virtue can be traced back to one of these core values. Lets say we call the core three as primary values and the rest of the virtues in the list as derived values. Now it is safe to assume that a person who meets all the primary virtues requirements would inevitably meet the derived virtue requirements. Now if you see that one of the derived values is not being met in a person in whom you believed all the primary virtues were met, then there exists a contradiction, being a proponent of Ayn rand its not much use to tell you that "Contradictions doesn’t exists' remember A is A . Then where did this anamoly creep in, the only place I see is that you have made an error in judgement when you believed that the person met all primary virtues.

You said " And this is where I believe I'm making the shift from being judgmental -- which is what made me 'love' people on the basis of my 'characteristics list' -- to being perceptive and understanding -- which is what now makes me aware of the "goodness" in them. " I have a clarification here what do you precisely mean by goodness here? You seem to suggest that charateristic list and goodness are two different planes . For me they are one and same, I don differentiate between the two for me if a person meets the charateristic list he is good and if a person is good he meets my charateristic list. Going by what I have stated, a person is either good or bad (absolutes black or white) but I guess you are ready to accept people for their varying levels goodness ( grey areas) i.e giving justifications to peoples vices and accepting them for the fraction of goodness in them, this is what I infer when u say "What we dislike are merely faults in them. The faults don't matter -- they just obstruct our view of the bigger picture. "

And to your final comment " After all, we are beings of emotion, even though we bide by reason. Maybe it makes us weak, but then it is also what makes us love." I believe being beings of emotion or reason has nothing to do with our ability to 'make us love' .

Questions ????

Why did it happen?
Where did I go wrong?
Whose fault is it?
Who is to blame for the state of things?
Where am i to find answers to all these questions?
Some body is accountable for this, who is it?
Why cant life be clearly visible?
Why so many grey areas?
I want every thing in black and white when can I have it?
Why do people expect so much from me?
And when they don get what they expect why do they get disappointed?
Why do they hold me responsible for atrocities in their lives?
Why are they so keen in passing the buck around?
Why do people always choose the easy way out by evading the problem or by just blaming it on others?
How can I ever come to terms with such a world or even if I can when will it be?
Why should I come to terms with this world?
Cant I be left alone and not be bothered?
Is it ever possible to live that way?
Am tired , I really am, of putting up an act every second and making a mockery of myself, my self esteem, my principles, my code of life.
When will I be able to live the way I want to?

I donno if I will ever find answers to these questions, but still outlining the questions that haunt you day and night does help.

P.S : Today is my birthday :) and i turn 23 :(

Numb 03:05

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithlessLost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressureOf walking in your shoes

[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I'veBecome so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to doIs be more like meAnd be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightlyAfraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would beHas fallen apart right in front of you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]

Every step that I take isAnother mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I wasteIs more than I can take

And I knowI may end up failing too
But I knowYou were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I just love this song and I personally feel this by far the best song by Linkin park. Have been listening to this atleast twenty times a day in my phone.

An End or a New Beginning

I have quit my old job and took up another job. One of my friends gave me an advice that I should treat it not as an end but a new beginning. I just got thinking that how can I treat it as an end, I mean what signifies that it has ended and what is the precise definition of end she was talking about. She gave me an impression as to I was going to severe all the ties with my current world and start out a totally new chapter, as if I was going to forget all the people I know now. Is it ever posible to comment on life, that this chapter has ended and a new one has begun? Just to draw an analogy, Life is like a book, ofcourse its divided into chapters but each chapter has its own relevance and its own bearing on the plot of the book. Can you think of a book in which the characters which appeared in one chapter never appeared in another? I certainly cant think of any unless ofcourse its a collection of short stories or a collection of essays. But am sure life my not a collection of short stories book but a single entitiy which has one plot, in such a scenario every chapter and every character are not forgotten when one moves onto the next chapter.

She just accused me that once I get on with the new job I would forget her because she believes distance plays a large role in keeping people together or apart, but I fought back saying that it depends on the people more whether they keep in touch or not and distance do play a small part but its not the deciding factor. But she refuses to believe me and she also accuses me that am not as sad about as parting as she is. Then I ask her that how can she say that? she replies me back saying that I don appear sad. I am kinda confused and shocked that she judged whether I was sad or not just by the appearance. She said she aint a mind reader and she can only believe what she sees. Well fair enough if she goes by "seeing is believing" then I should say that she is justified when she says that am not sad as she is because I don appear sad. But to tell the truth I do miss her and yes I have no way of proving it other than calling her up and saying that I miss you but well am not built that way and I aint even sure whether she would believe me when I say I do in fact miss her because my tone would still not be sad.

Love Conditional ? Unconditional?

When I started blogging my first post was on Unconditional Love. The Post is given below in Italics.

"Right from the childhood have repeatedly heard a word called "unconditional love". Have been preached that only the unconditional love is the purest form of love and have believed it till some time back. But if one closely inspects the defnition of unconditional love what he would understand is that it implies loving an entity for absolutely no reason. I have taken it for granted and spent all my life till date loving people for no reason. Have always had this nagging emotion that why should i love this person, he has got nothing to offer me in return, that thought always used to make me feel uncomfortable and at times even guilty. But tell me some thing what would make u more happy, people loving you for your virtues(assuming u have got some) or people loving you for the nothing u have become. If you would appreciate for being loved for what you have got then why does this phrase "unconditional love" bores any meaning in your lives, I shall say love the person for what he is, what he can offer u and what u gain by interacting with him. I refuse to accept "unconditional love" from any body and i refuse to give it to any body. If my virtues permit u to love me and if u love me for that i would appreciate it, i shall not appreciate any form of love or give any form of love that is irrational and unconditional. "

Yesterday I was having a conversation with one of my best friends on this topic. Thankfully he also lives by the same code as I do. All the proponents of Unconditional Love out there I would Like to ask you one question , If at all Love were unconditional how come you say you love a few and you hate a few, shouldn u be able to love every body and every thing irrespective of what they are? (Don tell me actually you do love everyone and everything) . If U love somebody then it implies that you love him for certain things (or Virtues) and if U hate some one U hate him because you don like the way he is. Then how can Love be unconditional at all? Have seen people staring at me when I say that "I love a person because he has got something to offer me and I would stop loving that person when he has lost his ability to offer me the very something which was the basis of my love. " People expect me to love them no matter what they have become, Once I start loving a person, I am expected to love him forever no matter what he does. There is friend of mine who proudly proclaims that if she loves a person and later even if the person rapes another woman or if he commits a murder or if he becomes a drug addict she would still love him because her love for him is unconditional and true. I resent the very idea of unconditional love it doesn make much sense to me. In my view love has to be earned not given on charity.

There will be more posts in the future on this topic. All the view points are welcome. What I have expressed here are purely my views.

Conversation 3

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She : :)
He : Finally squeezed a smile from u.
She : :)
He : Wow incredible its raining smiles .
She : Get an Umbrella.
He : Let me get wet.
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Conversation 2

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She : History Repeats itself
He : Lightning doesnt strike twice.
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Conversation 1

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She: I donno Am feeling too low, nothing is going right for me.
He : Don worry everythin is gonna be jus fine, things will be alright.
She: Yeah right, things will pick up how will they pick up? Oh, Am so dumb, My attitude sucks.
He : Hey jus be calm don blame urself for every thing thats wrong under the sun.
She: Shut Up. I dint ask for ur advice. U guys are always like this , given a chance, start Lecturing. Why don u understand that we gals jus want u guys to listen thats all.
He : Hmmm, Ok.
She: What was that "Hmmm" for?
He : Hey sweet, was jus acknowledging thats all, Don get sore at me now.
She: Don call me sweet .What are u trying to say? that i get sore at you all the time, that I am not an amicable person, Then why did u choose me in first place?
He : Hey come on thats not fair when did I say that U r not an amicable person why u trying to read between the lines?
She: Enough is enough. First u say am not an amicable person and then u say am not fair. There is a limit above which I cant take insults and U have crossed that Limit.
He : Hey come on I dint mean any thing the way U have intepreted my words, Any way If I have hurt U am sorry.
She: Yeah Sorry, do everything and say sorry, a typical guy's behaviour.
He : Now what do U want me to do?
She: Nothing.
He : Ok am really sorry , I dint intend to hurt you but it happened that way , am really sorry.
She: Ok forget it, I should have expected it. Ok Bye I gotta leave.
He : Ok bye, good night.
She: Why dint u say good night sweet?
He : U only asked me not to call u sweet.
She: So U wont call me sweet huh? If I say don ever meet me again, you wont meet again huh?
He : But I thought U din want me to call U sweet.
She: U have changed a lot these days. U were so good and nice when we met for first time , now U have become so cold and mean.
He : Ok jus relax, I guess U have had a tough day at office. Go home and have some good rest, we shall talk about it again tomorrow.
She: We are in the middle of a crisis and u ask me to go home and sleep. How insensitive!
He : What crisis?
She: We are on the verge of breaking up and U ask me what crisis?
He : What crap? who is talking about breaking Up?
She: Yeah yeah its all crap for you now, i should have known better. I guess now U don like me any more the way U used to like me thats why U R behaving, the way U r. I guess its over.

One tight slap

He : Good Bye!

Mirror or a Candle

There are two ways of spreading light;
to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.


First things first, this picture was not taken by me ;), came in today morning as a forward. I normally shift + del my forwards but today since i had nothing better to do just thought of giving the forwards a try. I came across this one in one of those never ending good morning messages which start from morning 9 and go on till about 4 in the afternoon. Just read the words and looked at the picture and wondered what would I like to be a candle which is the original source of light or the mirror which just reflects light which is not its own. Well being an advocate of reason started analysing the pros and cons of being a candle or a mirror. If you be the candle you are the original source of Light, you can light the darkness and speaking metaphorically you can bring light into some body's life. But the candle melts as time goes on, its length decreases proportionately with time and finally it gets extinguished. Now look at the mirror it does nothing except reflecting light but gives an impression as if it is the never ending source of light. It just rides on somebody's achievement ( in this case the candle). But the light from the mirror lasts only the time the candle is burning. The moment the candle is extinguished there is no light for the mirror to reflect. The mirror exists waiting for another source but the candle is gone. This analogy can be applied to many areas in life. For instance there are two types of people in this world people who innovate and people who imitate. The second type rides on the achevement of the first and ironically in most cases the imitators gain more than the creators. Its a matter of choice to be an innovator or an imitator. So what would you like to be ?